Well, I think it has finally ended, or at least I hope so...I'm sure for them they will keep talking but it's not my problem, I removed myself once and for all. I switched out of the class and now go to school at night.
Before you start saying I am running away from the problem and whatever it is that you might think, hear me out.
So, on thursday (the day after the last drama), I went to school, I didn't speak to them unless spoken to, but I was nice and normal...I wasn't pouting, I wasn't giving dirty looks, I just sat and did my work and didn't really pay too much attention to them. So we got to our last class which is lab. We were told to partner up and to do a full exam (which would take the whole class) so since this would take one person a whole class just to do it, there was no way we could work in groups of 3. Well, there were 6 in my former group of friends, 2 had paired up, the other 2 paired up (the erikas that hate me) and it left me and one other who had remained fairly neutral, so I didn't really think it would be a problem. But she was kinda clinging to the erikas, and so they told her that they couldn't be a group of three and she was like why not, and they were like leigh doesn't have a partner, and she goes "ewww no" so at that point I got up and left, there was no point in me sitting in that class not doing anything and I was really hurt by that.
As I left I got to thinking. This is our last week in the classes we have now, meaning monday our class was going to have 6 people, 3 hate me, one is me, and the other 2 don't hate me. If they were going to be childish like this and refuse to partner with me now, than there were surely going to be more problems later. So I went to the director and switched to night class. Am I happy about that? no, I would much rather have stayed in class during the day, but I just didn't really see there ever being any real resolution to all this.
I must say that as much as I didn't want to switch, I am so relieved since I have...I knew I was stressed out, but seeing the difference in how I feel now and how I felt then, I can't believe how stressed I really was.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
drama queen
I'm probably going to catch crap for this, but at this point i don't care i'm tired of hiding my feelings to protect others.
So for about a month now, there has been trouble at school. This girl who was one of my friends out of nowhere stopped talking to me. At first I blew it off, maybe she was having a bad day, maybe I had annoyed her and she just needed some space from me...so I just went on like normal. The more time went by the more clear it became to me that it wasn't just a bad day or anything like that. She still talked to the others normal, and I started noticing that when I talk there would usually be a smacking sound behind me, or a muttered whatever under her breath. I didn't know what to do, I'm not a fan of confrontation, and I had a feeling even if I did confront it, it would blow up in my face (which it eventually did). After about a week or 2 I said something to someone else. They quickly told me that it couldn't be true and I was being sensitive... I wasn't convinced, and told her to watch the rest of the day. By the end of that day she saw what I ment and said I needed to talk to her. I still had a bad feeling about talking, and so she went to her and asked her what was up. the girls answer was that I don't help them...I am still not sure what to think about that because I have helped them all along, I just draw the line at cheating. I don't think it's fair for me to come home and study and then they just get to copy my answers. So we just dropped it for then.
In the last week or so it's gotten a lot worse, until today, when it all blew, like I had thought it would. I don't feel like going into all the details, it would be hard too understand not knowing the people involved. But basically someone else brought it up said we needed to work it out. Other people kept speaking for her, she claimed she didn't have a problem with me. I told her that she has a funny way of showing it because she had been ignoring me for a month now. She kept saying she didn't have a problem with me, until other people were like yes you do, tell her. Finally it came out (I think someone else wound up saying it though) that I don't help them and that I am over dramatic. I already said my feeling about helping them, but the dramatic thing blew me away...I'm not saying that I am not ever dramatic, but out of the people telling me all this I would say I have the least drama... that they know about at least. So we went back and forth for a little while, but I was getting frustrated because other people in the class kept butting in, and even the others involved in the convo were all siding with the other girl, nobody was agreeing with me at all. I don't so much care about the sides, thats childish, but what bothered me is even when I would make a point, like about how I have helped all of them, I have never said I wouldn't help, not one of them said anything...it made me feel like they were all saying that I really don't help. Then when I would try to defend myself they would all jump on me and say I was wrong...so by that point I knew this wasn't going anywhere.
Finally someone asked if we were friends, the other girl nodded yes, and I nodded no. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to jump up and be friends with someone who dropped me like that. So again everyone is getting frustrated that I was being stubborn, but I can't help it. It didn't help that they had accused me of being dramatic because basically no matter how I respond now is just me being over dramatic. I told them that I hadn't done anything wrong to be treated like I had been, and they all jumped on me saying that wasn't what they said...that went back and forth for a bit. finally I said, why should I drop this like that, she hasn't even apologized? so she threw out a fake "sorry" 1) if it had been sincere I would have accepted that 2) if it was sincere I don't really believe that I would have had to basically tell her to apologize.
Basically thats where it's at. I don't want to be friends, I want to drop the situation, I can be nice...but I'm not going to drop everything to trust her to be my friend again and get dropped the next time I annoy her. I admit that I am being stubborn, and maybe thats not the best way to handle it, but I'm pissed, I didn't do anything to begin with except be a little annoying, but can anyone say they have never been annoying? I was treated like crap, talked about, and ignored by people who were supposed to be my friends...as much as I want to say I don't care, I do, they hurt me. I don't know what else to say, I feel like the best way to drop it is to just seperate myself from them and move on...but I'm afraid that no matter what I do I'll just be seen as a drama queen. UGh, this last month of school can't pass soon enough.
So for about a month now, there has been trouble at school. This girl who was one of my friends out of nowhere stopped talking to me. At first I blew it off, maybe she was having a bad day, maybe I had annoyed her and she just needed some space from me...so I just went on like normal. The more time went by the more clear it became to me that it wasn't just a bad day or anything like that. She still talked to the others normal, and I started noticing that when I talk there would usually be a smacking sound behind me, or a muttered whatever under her breath. I didn't know what to do, I'm not a fan of confrontation, and I had a feeling even if I did confront it, it would blow up in my face (which it eventually did). After about a week or 2 I said something to someone else. They quickly told me that it couldn't be true and I was being sensitive... I wasn't convinced, and told her to watch the rest of the day. By the end of that day she saw what I ment and said I needed to talk to her. I still had a bad feeling about talking, and so she went to her and asked her what was up. the girls answer was that I don't help them...I am still not sure what to think about that because I have helped them all along, I just draw the line at cheating. I don't think it's fair for me to come home and study and then they just get to copy my answers. So we just dropped it for then.
In the last week or so it's gotten a lot worse, until today, when it all blew, like I had thought it would. I don't feel like going into all the details, it would be hard too understand not knowing the people involved. But basically someone else brought it up said we needed to work it out. Other people kept speaking for her, she claimed she didn't have a problem with me. I told her that she has a funny way of showing it because she had been ignoring me for a month now. She kept saying she didn't have a problem with me, until other people were like yes you do, tell her. Finally it came out (I think someone else wound up saying it though) that I don't help them and that I am over dramatic. I already said my feeling about helping them, but the dramatic thing blew me away...I'm not saying that I am not ever dramatic, but out of the people telling me all this I would say I have the least drama... that they know about at least. So we went back and forth for a little while, but I was getting frustrated because other people in the class kept butting in, and even the others involved in the convo were all siding with the other girl, nobody was agreeing with me at all. I don't so much care about the sides, thats childish, but what bothered me is even when I would make a point, like about how I have helped all of them, I have never said I wouldn't help, not one of them said anything...it made me feel like they were all saying that I really don't help. Then when I would try to defend myself they would all jump on me and say I was wrong...so by that point I knew this wasn't going anywhere.
Finally someone asked if we were friends, the other girl nodded yes, and I nodded no. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to jump up and be friends with someone who dropped me like that. So again everyone is getting frustrated that I was being stubborn, but I can't help it. It didn't help that they had accused me of being dramatic because basically no matter how I respond now is just me being over dramatic. I told them that I hadn't done anything wrong to be treated like I had been, and they all jumped on me saying that wasn't what they said...that went back and forth for a bit. finally I said, why should I drop this like that, she hasn't even apologized? so she threw out a fake "sorry" 1) if it had been sincere I would have accepted that 2) if it was sincere I don't really believe that I would have had to basically tell her to apologize.
Basically thats where it's at. I don't want to be friends, I want to drop the situation, I can be nice...but I'm not going to drop everything to trust her to be my friend again and get dropped the next time I annoy her. I admit that I am being stubborn, and maybe thats not the best way to handle it, but I'm pissed, I didn't do anything to begin with except be a little annoying, but can anyone say they have never been annoying? I was treated like crap, talked about, and ignored by people who were supposed to be my friends...as much as I want to say I don't care, I do, they hurt me. I don't know what else to say, I feel like the best way to drop it is to just seperate myself from them and move on...but I'm afraid that no matter what I do I'll just be seen as a drama queen. UGh, this last month of school can't pass soon enough.
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