Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry? -Kelly Clarkson
Maybe those lyrics are a little extreme. But that's kinda how I feel right now. I mean everything is fine. But I don't know, I just feel blah. As I'm sitting here it's raining and thundering like crazy, it's kinda funny to me because thats like my mood. All day it was bright and sunny outside, then I get home and the clouds darken and then rain comes down, and thats kida what happened today. A while back when things were a little bit harder sister noted that my moods tend to swing when the weather does, and although that is an actual disorder, I don't think I have that, but I guess there is some truth to it.
Don't get me wrong, I am still loving life, loving my job and all that, I'm just having a "day" if you will. I had a harder day at work. Nothing in particular, I just get frustrated when I feel like I'm not catching on...like my facebook status says right now "I didn't bring my a-game today" I told someone I think the honeymoon period is over, the newness of my job is wearing off and the mistakes that were once more ok because I was new are not so much anymore, I feel like I need to not lean on the "new" crutch anymore. Granted, there are lots of things that I am still new at, and nobody has said anything to me...this is all my own personal meanderings. I guess just knowing that I did not originally get this job based on experience scares me and I know they took a chance by coming back to me anyway, and so I feel pressure because I don't want to let anyone down...I don't want them to regret picking me. I almost didn't post this because I am now friends with people from work on facebook, so there is a chance they will read this, but sometimes you have to weigh the good with the bad...and I guess right now I just need to get all this out and vent per se. And honestly, I don't think any of this has to do with my melancholy-ness...but I'm just in a mood I guess. Tomorrow can only get better right?
Then...in the style of how things go in my life...I had to change some accounts to online so that they wouldn't charge me for paper billing, and I have to have it done by tomorrow, so clearly I waited until now. Anyhoo, So I sign on put in my account number...when it asks some security questions...the first question "where did george rodabaugh (my dad) live or own land?" How the crap am I supposed to know that? the man is dead, and before that I couldn't tell you the last time I talked to him, or knew his whereabouts. I called my sister and we tried the process of elimination...and got it WRONG...I still don't know the answer, it told me I was wrong and blocked me from my own accounts. Long story short I got it taken care of, but seriously, if these creepers are going to use that kind of info, maybe they should make sure they know whats going on. It really creeped me out to think about what all the powers that be must know about me. Do they know I can't sleep with my hair in a ponytail? OR that I have a freckle under my big toe on my right foot?
On top of everything I have a cold. Apparently working for a dr. you can expect to be sick the first month or so...bring it.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
the never ending illness
Ok, so many of you (ok the 3 of you that read this...) have asked why I was sick all the time last week. Especially with the references to tylenol with codeine. And for I while I was being secretive about it because I was embarrassed... but I'm just going to put it out there now. This is going to be long and boring if you don't like stories about random medical drama as much as I do...
OK I guess it all started 2 weeks ago tomorrow (thursday). I hadn't started working yet and I had to go to the main hospital to get a shot, tb test and do some paper work before I started working the next monday. No big deal, I wound up needing a tetanus shot, which is one that does normally hurt, but I'm a big girl, I wasn't worried. I got my shot, and life was good.
2 days later (saturday) I woke up not feeling good, I was achy, I felt flu-ish, but didn't think I had a fever or anything. I knew tetanus caused soreness at the injection site, but wasn't really ready for the whole body aches, but I googled side effects for the Tdap (the shot I got) and flu like symptoms was one, so I wasn't too worried, I was sure that was what it was from.
side note funny story is that I turn into a big baby when I don't feel good, and so I decided I didn't feel good enough to leave my house to get food and called my mom to see if she could bring me food...I told her I hadn't eaten since the day before, lunch time the day before at that...but her answer was that she was tired...and if she could bring me something to eat the next day (sunday). I was like "I mean I haven't eaten since yesterday, but cool whatever" slightly sarcastic right? and her answer was "ok just call me tomorrow"...so now I don't feel good, I'm hungry, and I'm annoyed with my mother.
So now it's sunday, I tried to trick myself into thinking I was feeling better because I knew regardless my first day of work was the next day (monday) but really I still didn't feel good, and I was starting to doubt my googled diagnosis...but really what else could it be was my thought at that point. After pleading with my mother to bring me that meal she had promised me...I finally ate, and noticed that my mouth hurt...my gums hurt, i felt like i was developing a cold sore, but figured it was all coincidence...besides I HAD to feel better, I was starting my dream job in less than 24 hours.
So now it's Monday morning, I am up and excitedly getting ready for work...in the back of my mind knowing I really didn't feel good. And now was also developing a large cold sore IN THE MIDDLE OF MY TONGUE!!! I didn't even know that was possible. Brushing my teeth was excruciating, and eating was no longer an option. I went to work, luckily being my first day I did a lot of sitting and observing, so it wasn't too obvious that I didn't feel good, even though the big baby in me did have to whine once and a while. Throughout the day I also started to notice my lymph nodes were really swollen...so now I was pretty positive that it had nothing to do with the shots, and possibly more to do with the all out war going on in my mouth with now ANOTHER coldsore developing (thats 3 if you lost count) but really had no clue that something was really making me sick.
I made it through the day, it wasn't too bad, but as soon as I got in my car and was going home I felt like death was upon me. I had previously been hungry, and was now trying to think of something I could eat with this new found mouth pain...and I was more and more not feeling like eating at all (but I hadn't eaten all day, other than a few chicken nuggets from chick fil a that I forced myself to eat). So I resolved I was buying a thermometer, you see I never owned one before, I have never had much use for one. So I get my thermometer...and some tylenol (I don't really know why, maybe it was intuition). It's a cool thermometer, normal range it turns green, moderate yellow, and if it's a bad fever it turns red. So I pop it out and try it. 8 seconds later it turned red and I looked it said 101.9. I rarely get fevers and I hadn't really felt "feverish" so I was shocked. I started thinking, "do you have to calibrate a digital thermometer?" so I call my friend Jenn, who loves thermometers...and no, you don't I really had a fever. So I get some chicken noodle soup and to home I went. I took my tylenol and was asleep by 7.
I started to worry, I HAD to be better by the next day, I was not calling in on the 2nd day, plus the office manager had gone out of her way to get a training switched so I could take it that day instead of waiting until mid july when they had scheduled me. Luckily I woke up once and a while and with tylenol the fever was dropping.
Tuesday morning I woke up and my temp was 99.1 so I popped more tylenol and went off to the training, just happy to not have a fever anymore. Eating was still quite a task though, I was miserable, I was so hungry because I hadn't really had a full meal for almost 4 days at this point (even when I ate I never could eat more than a few bites). I spent the day in meetings but obviously my mind wandered about my random illness. It doesn't help that I watch a lot of discovery health shows like "mystery diagnosis" where people have random symptoms then wind up having some crazy unheard of disease.
As my mind wandered I realized something...technically a cold sore is "herpes" not the same as the STD, but it's a virus. Surely a virus could cause all the symptoms I had. So at the first break I got I googled it on my phone. And that had to be it, I had to have herpes. I was disgusted, how on earth did I get that, I don't even like sharing drinks with people. But in my research since I have learned that most people have herpes simplex 1 (oral herpes) it just happens. So I am still miserable, but at least I really feel like I knew what was wrong. Unfortunately I still do not have insurance at this point, so I was just going to have to suck it up for 2 weeks while it healed.
I kept track of my temp. it hovered in the 99 range...but there wasn't much I could do. So Wednesday came, I was STILL starving, and resorted to smoothies, but it was still painful. Come wednesday night. I came home from work, when the crap feeling came back...I started vomiting...and considering my last real meal was the friday before, I started worrying I was dehydrated. I checked the trusty old temp...102.3. I am not sure I ever had a fever that high (my mom was never a big believer in having practical medical supplies at home). And I start crying because I didn't know what to do, it was 10 pm, I couldn't keep tylenol down, I still did not see calling into work as an option...I was running out of choices. So I called trusty mom and demand she come get me and take me to a urgent care place. She tried to resist, but when I cry she can't tell me no (I do not cry that much around her, so I'm not using it...at that point it was legit tears).
So she got to me around 11:30 (she lives 45 minutes away...and is the slowest driver ever). I had already found a place that was open 24 hours...so i told her where to go. Luckily for me my cold sores were the biggest emergency at this place so I was seen right away. It's a little weird for me to go to the dr. especially now that I work for one, and so when I went in and the guy (I'm not sure if he was a MA or LVN or RN) started answering questions, I told him my temp, that I knew what was wrong, and that I needed some antiviral so I could go home got to bed and be ready for work the next morning. I now look back and realize I was slightly ridiculous...I think my brain was starting to fry.
The dr came in, looked in my mouth and told me I was right with my diagnosis (DUH!...I googled it). he asked me about the pain and said he was going to give me pain killers and asked if I had ever had vicodin...I haven't but I'm still thinking I'm working the next day, so I talked him down to tylenol with codeine (I have never had a pain killer at all in my life, so I had no idea how I would react). He broke the news to me that I was not going to work the next day...I fought it for a little while, but kinda realized that was probably a good idea...besides at work I wasn't self sufficient yet, so it wasn't like they were "really" losing a person, if that makes sense...but I still did not want to call in my first week of work. So I had my Rx for the tylenol, a mouthwash with lidocane, and an antiviral med and went home.
After they gave me a dose of the tylenol I was out...I barely remember waking up to call into work. I slept all day Thursday.
Friday I had another orientation, luckily the pain had subsided enough to go, I still couldn't eat, but at least at that point I knew it was getting better. I decided since I couldn't drive when I took the tylenol it would be best to spend the weekend at my moms, mostly so she could bring me food, I'm not going to lie...I was STILL starving (people, it had been a week at this point since I took more than 3 bites of something). And so she could take care of Libby, because I felt bad that I didn't even want to drag myself out of bed to walk her.
So thats pretty much it, I am completely better now, as of monday I have been eating solid food, I actually get to enjoy my new job...and my mouth is back to being cold sore free...thank god! I still don't know what brought on this little outbreak. I have had a cold sore before but never more than one, and I've never actually gotten sick from them. People keep saying stress, but for once in my life I'm REALLY not stressed, I love my job, things are falling into place...so who knows, but i'm glad I'm over it. But it is driving me a little crazy that I don't know what caused it, so I'm scared it could come back.
Gross.
OK I guess it all started 2 weeks ago tomorrow (thursday). I hadn't started working yet and I had to go to the main hospital to get a shot, tb test and do some paper work before I started working the next monday. No big deal, I wound up needing a tetanus shot, which is one that does normally hurt, but I'm a big girl, I wasn't worried. I got my shot, and life was good.
2 days later (saturday) I woke up not feeling good, I was achy, I felt flu-ish, but didn't think I had a fever or anything. I knew tetanus caused soreness at the injection site, but wasn't really ready for the whole body aches, but I googled side effects for the Tdap (the shot I got) and flu like symptoms was one, so I wasn't too worried, I was sure that was what it was from.
side note funny story is that I turn into a big baby when I don't feel good, and so I decided I didn't feel good enough to leave my house to get food and called my mom to see if she could bring me food...I told her I hadn't eaten since the day before, lunch time the day before at that...but her answer was that she was tired...and if she could bring me something to eat the next day (sunday). I was like "I mean I haven't eaten since yesterday, but cool whatever" slightly sarcastic right? and her answer was "ok just call me tomorrow"...so now I don't feel good, I'm hungry, and I'm annoyed with my mother.
So now it's sunday, I tried to trick myself into thinking I was feeling better because I knew regardless my first day of work was the next day (monday) but really I still didn't feel good, and I was starting to doubt my googled diagnosis...but really what else could it be was my thought at that point. After pleading with my mother to bring me that meal she had promised me...I finally ate, and noticed that my mouth hurt...my gums hurt, i felt like i was developing a cold sore, but figured it was all coincidence...besides I HAD to feel better, I was starting my dream job in less than 24 hours.
So now it's Monday morning, I am up and excitedly getting ready for work...in the back of my mind knowing I really didn't feel good. And now was also developing a large cold sore IN THE MIDDLE OF MY TONGUE!!! I didn't even know that was possible. Brushing my teeth was excruciating, and eating was no longer an option. I went to work, luckily being my first day I did a lot of sitting and observing, so it wasn't too obvious that I didn't feel good, even though the big baby in me did have to whine once and a while. Throughout the day I also started to notice my lymph nodes were really swollen...so now I was pretty positive that it had nothing to do with the shots, and possibly more to do with the all out war going on in my mouth with now ANOTHER coldsore developing (thats 3 if you lost count) but really had no clue that something was really making me sick.
I made it through the day, it wasn't too bad, but as soon as I got in my car and was going home I felt like death was upon me. I had previously been hungry, and was now trying to think of something I could eat with this new found mouth pain...and I was more and more not feeling like eating at all (but I hadn't eaten all day, other than a few chicken nuggets from chick fil a that I forced myself to eat). So I resolved I was buying a thermometer, you see I never owned one before, I have never had much use for one. So I get my thermometer...and some tylenol (I don't really know why, maybe it was intuition). It's a cool thermometer, normal range it turns green, moderate yellow, and if it's a bad fever it turns red. So I pop it out and try it. 8 seconds later it turned red and I looked it said 101.9. I rarely get fevers and I hadn't really felt "feverish" so I was shocked. I started thinking, "do you have to calibrate a digital thermometer?" so I call my friend Jenn, who loves thermometers...and no, you don't I really had a fever. So I get some chicken noodle soup and to home I went. I took my tylenol and was asleep by 7.
I started to worry, I HAD to be better by the next day, I was not calling in on the 2nd day, plus the office manager had gone out of her way to get a training switched so I could take it that day instead of waiting until mid july when they had scheduled me. Luckily I woke up once and a while and with tylenol the fever was dropping.
Tuesday morning I woke up and my temp was 99.1 so I popped more tylenol and went off to the training, just happy to not have a fever anymore. Eating was still quite a task though, I was miserable, I was so hungry because I hadn't really had a full meal for almost 4 days at this point (even when I ate I never could eat more than a few bites). I spent the day in meetings but obviously my mind wandered about my random illness. It doesn't help that I watch a lot of discovery health shows like "mystery diagnosis" where people have random symptoms then wind up having some crazy unheard of disease.
As my mind wandered I realized something...technically a cold sore is "herpes" not the same as the STD, but it's a virus. Surely a virus could cause all the symptoms I had. So at the first break I got I googled it on my phone. And that had to be it, I had to have herpes. I was disgusted, how on earth did I get that, I don't even like sharing drinks with people. But in my research since I have learned that most people have herpes simplex 1 (oral herpes) it just happens. So I am still miserable, but at least I really feel like I knew what was wrong. Unfortunately I still do not have insurance at this point, so I was just going to have to suck it up for 2 weeks while it healed.
I kept track of my temp. it hovered in the 99 range...but there wasn't much I could do. So Wednesday came, I was STILL starving, and resorted to smoothies, but it was still painful. Come wednesday night. I came home from work, when the crap feeling came back...I started vomiting...and considering my last real meal was the friday before, I started worrying I was dehydrated. I checked the trusty old temp...102.3. I am not sure I ever had a fever that high (my mom was never a big believer in having practical medical supplies at home). And I start crying because I didn't know what to do, it was 10 pm, I couldn't keep tylenol down, I still did not see calling into work as an option...I was running out of choices. So I called trusty mom and demand she come get me and take me to a urgent care place. She tried to resist, but when I cry she can't tell me no (I do not cry that much around her, so I'm not using it...at that point it was legit tears).
So she got to me around 11:30 (she lives 45 minutes away...and is the slowest driver ever). I had already found a place that was open 24 hours...so i told her where to go. Luckily for me my cold sores were the biggest emergency at this place so I was seen right away. It's a little weird for me to go to the dr. especially now that I work for one, and so when I went in and the guy (I'm not sure if he was a MA or LVN or RN) started answering questions, I told him my temp, that I knew what was wrong, and that I needed some antiviral so I could go home got to bed and be ready for work the next morning. I now look back and realize I was slightly ridiculous...I think my brain was starting to fry.
The dr came in, looked in my mouth and told me I was right with my diagnosis (DUH!...I googled it). he asked me about the pain and said he was going to give me pain killers and asked if I had ever had vicodin...I haven't but I'm still thinking I'm working the next day, so I talked him down to tylenol with codeine (I have never had a pain killer at all in my life, so I had no idea how I would react). He broke the news to me that I was not going to work the next day...I fought it for a little while, but kinda realized that was probably a good idea...besides at work I wasn't self sufficient yet, so it wasn't like they were "really" losing a person, if that makes sense...but I still did not want to call in my first week of work. So I had my Rx for the tylenol, a mouthwash with lidocane, and an antiviral med and went home.
After they gave me a dose of the tylenol I was out...I barely remember waking up to call into work. I slept all day Thursday.
Friday I had another orientation, luckily the pain had subsided enough to go, I still couldn't eat, but at least at that point I knew it was getting better. I decided since I couldn't drive when I took the tylenol it would be best to spend the weekend at my moms, mostly so she could bring me food, I'm not going to lie...I was STILL starving (people, it had been a week at this point since I took more than 3 bites of something). And so she could take care of Libby, because I felt bad that I didn't even want to drag myself out of bed to walk her.
So thats pretty much it, I am completely better now, as of monday I have been eating solid food, I actually get to enjoy my new job...and my mouth is back to being cold sore free...thank god! I still don't know what brought on this little outbreak. I have had a cold sore before but never more than one, and I've never actually gotten sick from them. People keep saying stress, but for once in my life I'm REALLY not stressed, I love my job, things are falling into place...so who knows, but i'm glad I'm over it. But it is driving me a little crazy that I don't know what caused it, so I'm scared it could come back.
Gross.
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