The Honeymoon is over

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry? -Kelly Clarkson

Maybe those lyrics are a little extreme. But that's kinda how I feel right now. I mean everything is fine. But I don't know, I just feel blah. As I'm sitting here it's raining and thundering like crazy, it's kinda funny to me because thats like my mood. All day it was bright and sunny outside, then I get home and the clouds darken and then rain comes down, and thats kida what happened today. A while back when things were a little bit harder sister noted that my moods tend to swing when the weather does, and although that is an actual disorder, I don't think I have that, but I guess there is some truth to it.

Don't get me wrong, I am still loving life, loving my job and all that, I'm just having a "day" if you will. I had a harder day at work. Nothing in particular, I just get frustrated when I feel like I'm not catching on...like my facebook status says right now "I didn't bring my a-game today" I told someone I think the honeymoon period is over, the newness of my job is wearing off and the mistakes that were once more ok because I was new are not so much anymore, I feel like I need to not lean on the "new" crutch anymore. Granted, there are lots of things that I am still new at, and nobody has said anything to me...this is all my own personal meanderings. I guess just knowing that I did not originally get this job based on experience scares me and I know they took a chance by coming back to me anyway, and so I feel pressure because I don't want to let anyone down...I don't want them to regret picking me. I almost didn't post this because I am now friends with people from work on facebook, so there is a chance they will read this, but sometimes you have to weigh the good with the bad...and I guess right now I just need to get all this out and vent per se. And honestly, I don't think any of this has to do with my melancholy-ness...but I'm just in a mood I guess. Tomorrow can only get better right?

Then...in the style of how things go in my life...I had to change some accounts to online so that they wouldn't charge me for paper billing, and I have to have it done by tomorrow, so clearly I waited until now. Anyhoo, So I sign on put in my account number...when it asks some security questions...the first question "where did george rodabaugh (my dad) live or own land?" How the crap am I supposed to know that? the man is dead, and before that I couldn't tell you the last time I talked to him, or knew his whereabouts. I called my sister and we tried the process of elimination...and got it WRONG...I still don't know the answer, it told me I was wrong and blocked me from my own accounts. Long story short I got it taken care of, but seriously, if these creepers are going to use that kind of info, maybe they should make sure they know whats going on. It really creeped me out to think about what all the powers that be must know about me. Do they know I can't sleep with my hair in a ponytail? OR that I have a freckle under my big toe on my right foot?

On top of everything I have a cold. Apparently working for a dr. you can expect to be sick the first month or so...bring it.