monotastic

So I still have mono. I wish I had something more interesting to write about. Honestly I'm exhausted and am trying to keep myself awake. I know I'm supposed to sleep when I'm tired, but it's getting to where I'm not sleepy at night if I sleep too much during the day, so I'm taking that as a sign I'm getting better...so I can make myself stay awake during the day some. I think the key now is resting more without sleeping.

It's just so frustrating. I don't even consider myself living a intense lifestyle or anything like that...so the fact that I'm still too tired to go about my everyday activities is a little hard for me. That I can't just up and run to the mall if I want to, that I can't even work a full day...its so annoying. The thing about it all is that I don't necessarily feel bad doing the activities or normal stuff even, but when I get home I am worn out and that's when I get fevers...which will prolong this whole thing.

It's lonely too. I mean I live a pretty solitary life, by choice. Do I always enjoy it...no. But normally it's my decision and if I wanted to I could go out and change it, but now that I can't just go out and do something it sucks. Sometimes I just wish someone could just come watch a movie with me or something...but most people are weary to be around me...granted I'm not contagious. It's a little frustrating to me, but I have to keep in mind that I work in a profession where I'm around sick people all the time, so it doesn't really bother me (probably how I got here to begin with though), but not everyone is used to that and it does sound scary and the "im not contagious" probably isn't that convincing. Here is the deal...at this point I am only contagious when I have a fever over 101. I also just finished a zpack to catch anything else just in case. I caught mono probably in the last few days of my externship, there was a girl who was positive for mono and I was in the room with her for a little while, so chances are she coughed and I caught it. It's not likely that mono is airborn, but it's possible...and considering I know I didn't share a drink with her or anything seems to be the way I caught it. But she had a fever, and was in the beginning of the illness. I've probably already had it 2-3 weeks.

On the semi plus side/superficial negative...my appetite is coming back. I have now been eating a staggering 2 meals a day. neither one is big, I've been utilizing kids menus a lot...but it's nice to want to eat more. Although the weight loss was nice too. It's funny because for a while there, it was more important that I eat and I wasn't hungry I was pretty much letting myself eat anything i remotely wanted no matter how bad it was for me...I rationalized that I needed to eat and I wasn't eating a lot so I let myself, but I'm trying to watch that a little more now, because that will probably add back up quickly.

I go back to the doctor next week. That's when she decides whether or not I'm ready to go back to a regular work schedule. I'm hoping I can, but I have a feeling she's going to make me wait one more week. I'm not sure what she'll be looking for to make that decision, but I just feel so bad that my work is bending over backwards to accommodate me, but at the same time I know if I rush back to a full schedule that i could potentially make this worse and cause a relapse.

anyhoo, I'm off to get dinner

The saga is OVER!!!

I FINALLY know what is wrong with me. I have mononucleosis (mono). I'm not sure if it's related to when I got sick before in June, but I took a blood test wednesday and the results were definitely mono for now.

Long story short (seriously, I don't really feel like writing). Monday I had an epiphany that I had never really felt "normal" since I had been sick before. My appetite has never gone back to normal...I'm always tired, which I attributed to work...but realized that it is not normal, and my lymph nodes are HUGE. I had noticed in the last 2 weeks that once I got home at night I would run a low grade fever, granted your temp goes up at night naturally, but not to 99+. So I wound up going back to the doctor I saw before, even though I now have insurance, I figured this was more of a "follow up"...he wasn't much help though, he just said I probably had mono, before that didnt get diagnosed, but there was nothing to do, so I went on with life.

Tuesday I felt worse, and wednesday I felt even worse, so I asked to leave work early and went straight to the doctor. She took blood and here we are...monoland. She also said I'm anemic...way to kick me when I'm down body.

This is all making me crazy though. I am sleeping a lot, but I know I have to go back to work monday, so I don't want to get too used to sleeping all day. I'm a little stressed, the only thing really you can do for mono is rest, but I don't really have a lifestyle where that is possible. My work is being so great about all this, I feel awful...it's just between life in general, work, I have my certification test coming next week...I don't have time for this. My doctor said we are taking this one week at a time, so after a week we'll evaluate how im feeling and how much I can handle. She also gave me steroids to help with my energy...I'm nervous about taking them, I'm not so much wanting to bulk up....I mean I just lost 12 pounds thanks to mono, not really looking to gain it back.

anyhoo, thats what is going on peeps...

If you break down...

"Red lights are flashing on the highway
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight
Everywhere the waters getting rough
Your best intentions may not be enough
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight

But if you break down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don't come easy"
-Patty Griffin

This song doesn't really fit what I'm about to say either...but it was the only song I could think of related to car trouble...even though I'm pretty sure it's more metaphorical in the song...and I couldn't think of a song related to my stubborness either.

So for the last...I don't know...really long time my car has had this "quirk". I have had trouble getting it out of park. You know how you have to break to change gears, well, in my car it sometimes took a few tries to get the break and gear shift to agree and change, but I had the hang of it, it just took a special little kick to get it to work. It was something I knew I needed to get fixed, but honestly as long as I could get it to work...it wasn't a urgent need...and money had elsewhere to go. You see I was convinced that this problem would cost hundreds of dollars to fix...I mean it was something about the breaks and gears that just sounds complicated.

So today, actually this morning, I really had nothing to do, until I remembered I needed to go to the bank...so I look at the clock and it was 11am...the bank closes at 12. No big deal, I head out the door and get in the car...turn it on...start the ipod...hit the break...and try the shift...nothing...kick try again...nothing...kick...shift...nothing. I get a little frustrated and take a break. Try again...nothing...and again...nothing. I'll save you the rest of the commentary, but this went on for almost an hour and I was almost in tears. So I decided that IF I could get it started I was going to have to suck it up and take it in...and if I didn't, I was going to have to get it towed, but I couldn't take a chance that this could happen before work. Finally, what I am convinced was going to be my last try...it worked. So now I'm thinking...now that I finally got this to work I can't stop anywhere...what if that happens again. So I call my mom to see if she can call Honda dealerships to see if one is open for me to go to. So she gets me in but I have to go all the way over by her house.

Moral of the story is that after 15 minutes and $50 later...my car is fixed. I have been holding out on fixing this for months...Seriously?!