monotastic

So I still have mono. I wish I had something more interesting to write about. Honestly I'm exhausted and am trying to keep myself awake. I know I'm supposed to sleep when I'm tired, but it's getting to where I'm not sleepy at night if I sleep too much during the day, so I'm taking that as a sign I'm getting better...so I can make myself stay awake during the day some. I think the key now is resting more without sleeping.

It's just so frustrating. I don't even consider myself living a intense lifestyle or anything like that...so the fact that I'm still too tired to go about my everyday activities is a little hard for me. That I can't just up and run to the mall if I want to, that I can't even work a full day...its so annoying. The thing about it all is that I don't necessarily feel bad doing the activities or normal stuff even, but when I get home I am worn out and that's when I get fevers...which will prolong this whole thing.

It's lonely too. I mean I live a pretty solitary life, by choice. Do I always enjoy it...no. But normally it's my decision and if I wanted to I could go out and change it, but now that I can't just go out and do something it sucks. Sometimes I just wish someone could just come watch a movie with me or something...but most people are weary to be around me...granted I'm not contagious. It's a little frustrating to me, but I have to keep in mind that I work in a profession where I'm around sick people all the time, so it doesn't really bother me (probably how I got here to begin with though), but not everyone is used to that and it does sound scary and the "im not contagious" probably isn't that convincing. Here is the deal...at this point I am only contagious when I have a fever over 101. I also just finished a zpack to catch anything else just in case. I caught mono probably in the last few days of my externship, there was a girl who was positive for mono and I was in the room with her for a little while, so chances are she coughed and I caught it. It's not likely that mono is airborn, but it's possible...and considering I know I didn't share a drink with her or anything seems to be the way I caught it. But she had a fever, and was in the beginning of the illness. I've probably already had it 2-3 weeks.

On the semi plus side/superficial negative...my appetite is coming back. I have now been eating a staggering 2 meals a day. neither one is big, I've been utilizing kids menus a lot...but it's nice to want to eat more. Although the weight loss was nice too. It's funny because for a while there, it was more important that I eat and I wasn't hungry I was pretty much letting myself eat anything i remotely wanted no matter how bad it was for me...I rationalized that I needed to eat and I wasn't eating a lot so I let myself, but I'm trying to watch that a little more now, because that will probably add back up quickly.

I go back to the doctor next week. That's when she decides whether or not I'm ready to go back to a regular work schedule. I'm hoping I can, but I have a feeling she's going to make me wait one more week. I'm not sure what she'll be looking for to make that decision, but I just feel so bad that my work is bending over backwards to accommodate me, but at the same time I know if I rush back to a full schedule that i could potentially make this worse and cause a relapse.

anyhoo, I'm off to get dinner