what a difference a little time makes

it has only been a little more than 2 weeks since I last wrote, but so much has changed.

The biggest thing being that I am no longer at the pediatric office. After much thought and consideration, the stress and anxiety it was giving me wasn't worth it. Plus I wasn't learning, I was sitting around stuffing envelopes and filling time because they wouldn't take the time to help me do things and it was easier to do it themselves (I feel like this is something I need to remember if I am ever a mom).

Now I am finishing the last 60 hours of my internship at a internal medicine doctor. It is like night and day. For one thing the demographic I tend to now is the geriatric crowd. I always said that I couldn't do it, and I do still think it would be hard, but at the same time yesterday I had a pt. (patient) that who made me laugh so hard. She was 80-something, and I was watching as someone else was taking her vitals. She kept looking at the girl and at me making faces. Then she proceeded to read a poster on the wall about hyperthyroidism and proceeded to tell us exactly why that sucks. Her and her husband were hilarious, and I'm not going to lie, made me a little jealous that my own parents or grandparents for that matter were nothing like that. I started thinking how fun it would be to have a mom like that...but that is a whole other blog I suppose. All of that to say I really like the office I'm at now. No, I don't think I want to stay here long term...as far as actual employees the dr. doesn't pay very well and does not offer benefits...but as far as experience this has been a much better one.

And if I took a job there I wouldn't be able to take a job with Texas Children's Hospital!!! OK, so I haven't been offered the job yet, but this last wednesday I had a second interview with them. I am REALLY excited and REALLY hope this works out. Just being in the office for the interviews, it just felt right, it's almost like this job was created for me, which is a little funny because it is a new position.

Which leads me to my other point of this blog. My life is so good right now. It's so crazy how drastically things have changed, I've learned to be at peace with myself, I'm doing something that I really love. I don't think even 2 weeks ago I could have said that. I think depression is something I will always struggle with...but I also think that I have finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel and I am ready to put this fight behind me. I hope this is not all circumstantial...I really don't think it is, but there is always that little bit of doubt that tries to sneak in and make me unsure of myself.

Sooo...with that said I think I am going to make another effort to find a church. This has been really hard for me...and even as I just typed that I am fighting the urge to delete it...because now that I have said it out loud (ok not outloud, but you know what I mean) I am accountable for it. I don't know why this has been so hard for me, but it has been. wish me luck.