I hate myself...

I'm tired of being accused of not sharing my feelings...

I'm so mad right now. I'm tired of the way people treat me...and I'm more tired of the fact that now that I have finally stuck up for myself it makes me a bad person. I'm tired of being blamed for things I can't control, I'm tired of regretting being nice. I'm tired of this place of letting everyone get to me to the point where I hate myself. I'm even tired of libby trying to chew on my arm.

I don't know what to say or do. I honestly hate the fact that I want to make people happy. I know there is a line and areas of grey, but I'm am pretty black and white.

I started out the day upset. I called my sister to tell her something (Libby had taken a bag of clothes from her room and drug them into my room to sleep with them)...and the boy she is staying with took her phone and was saying all this crap about my dog being a whore blah blah blah. Honestly I couldn't care less about that. If he wants to be immature and talk about my dog then whatever. But I don't feel like you should talk to someone you don't know or have never met let alone talked to. So then I was mad that he talked to me like that, then when my sister got back on the phone all she did was say that he was "playing" ...so we talked for like 30 more seconds when I could hear him in the background telling her to get off the phone with me...that is what really bothers me. She is supposed to be MY sister. I am the one who edured sharing a room with her, I'm the one who knows how she got the scar on her eye, I'm the one who has a birthmark on my back in almost the same exact spot as her, I am the one who got a black eye from her, I am the one with a scar on my left arm because on her...not him. Joking or not I don't think that is ok...not only on his part but on her part either.

She called me a little later and I told her why I was mad. All she would say was "ok" in a annoyed tone and that he was just kidding. So then I was more upset that she didn't seem to care at all about me and my side of the story. I understand that she has no control over him and what he says/does..but she didn't even make and appempt to apologize or make him stop. And ultimately when he told her to get off the phone she did. All I'm saying is that if one of my friends talked to her like that i would have said stop or said something to me when I got the phone back.

The if that didn't make me mad enough...So I was just reading someone I work withs myspace note survey thing and one of the questions was "who do you dislike the most" her answer was "leigh's sister" let me preface this with...my sister had planned on letting somone live in her room while she is in Florida and has the apt here so she can save some money. So I knew somoeone at work and talked to her about it. She agreed to it, so in a effort to not be in the middle i wanted the two of them to meet to tralk about rules/ expectations. Well the girl stood stephanie u twice...so she said no to the whole deal...which I can't honestly blame her for, Steph was accepting a lot of responsibility by even letting her move in with stephs name on the lease and everything. We all know that I am generally not late...but I think especially when someone is doing you a favor you do anything you can to keep that commitment. Stephanie said if she couldn't come that day how did she know she would pay rent or anything. For that I am sorry. I can understand being mad I can see being upset, but what frustrates me is blaming stephanie for this...and being mad at her. It's not like she sad no for fun ...she wanted her to move in, but when she was blown off what is she supposed to do.

I hate being in the middle.