it's MY voice!

I hate stupid people. I know hate is a strong word...but I mean it. People just get all crazy and rude around the holidays. I'm sorry but just because it's Christmas, my life does not revolve around you.

Today I worked, it was one of the harder days of my starbucks tenure. One of the most frustrating moments of my time there came today.

I was on the front register. A older woman walked up and said she was looking for a specific gift card...Ok, so I looked through the cards we had out and didn't see what she was describing...I pulled open a drawer where we mostly keep the non seasonal cards, but just to be sure I was checking that a box of holiday cards didn't get put in there by mistake...As I would look in a box I would place it on the counter so I would know I checked it...crazy lady would open each box and look again, because clearly I don't know what a light blue card with a white snowflake looks like. So I tolds her we didn't have any and asked if another card would be ok...she said "no, couldn't you call and see if another starbucks has it" I was fairly certain this card did not exist at all, I mean I do spend a lot of my days scanning gift cards and have become fairly familiar with the ones starbucks sells...so keeping my most polite face on I went to the back to retrieve the phone list to start calling around the stores.

I called a few stores and all said they either did not have any cards at all, or they had the same ones we did... so side note the cordless phone I was using was not the most reliable so around the 4th store a man answered the phone but couldn't hear me, so he hung up on me...when that happened, I said something out loud "oh he hung up on me" I knew what had happened so I wasn't mad, but stupid crazy lady had to put in her two cents "he probably thought you were just a kid prank calling" REALLY!? I am bending over backwards calling all of the starbucks in Houston to find you a stupid card that doesn't exist and you are now picking on my voice!? So I told her I would be a few minutes as I continued calling stores in the back, mostly because I needed to compose myself before I yelled at her.

I called one more store and the manager of that store assured me that no such card exists...so with the new confidance that I was not crazy I went back out to tell her that I can't find anyone with it. So I tell her and she winds up getting one of the cards we have and put $5 on it. REALLY! All of that and she put 5 freaking dollars on the card!??!?!?!

Later on another woman came in and also wanted a specific gift card...at least that one existed...but still...it's a gift card people. A majority of the time they are thrown away after they are used anyways.

The thing that pushed me over the edge was the stab at my voice. I'm SOSOSO tired of people commenting on my voice. I understand it is a little unusual for a 26 year old to have the voice of a 6 year old. Trust me if I could change it I would...I mean it's one thing when I get told I don't look my age all the time, I take responsibilty in that, I mean, I know if I wore make up more often I would look more like my real age...but my voice isn't that easy to change and I'm really weirdly sensitive about it. I really don't care when people make comments that I have a little voice, I'm fully aware that I pretty much talk exactly like I did when I was 6...minus the lisp. It's when it gets said with a negative connotation that my feelings are hurt. I'm realistic, I can understand that it probably is a little grating and annoying...but I can't do anything about it. I could try to talk deeper, but that is fake and unnatural sounding.

Maybe I should take up smoking...

so much for chillaxin

Yesterday I fully intended on having a lazy day. With finals done (granted the way my school is I have finals once a month), sister on her way back to Florida, one last week of work and school before I too would be off to Florida I decided to use the day to relax and pamper myself, I was going to get a facial, mani pedi...which I don't do often. So I woke up, and was fairly anxious to get the pamper party started. I followed my general morning routine...nothing too glamorous, just brushing my hair and teeth with their respective brushes, dress in my usual "I don't have to wear my work or school uniform" uniform of jeans and a t-shirt...and went to put my contacts in...right eye first, just as I have done everyday since I started wearing contacts in 9th grade. Now it was the left eyes turn, I gave the contact the once over just to check for lint or anything before placing it in my eye...when I saw it...a tear on the edge. I panicked...you see this was my last pair of disposable contacts. I have been meaning to go to the eye doctor ever since I started getting insurance...but there is always something seemingly more important. I froze in my bathroom, one contact in my eye, the other in my hand trying to decide what to do. I washed the left one down the drain, because what can you do with a torn contact? If you are not aware, I do have glasses, the same glasses that I have had the last 7 years...the same Kate Spade glasses that I swore up and down to my grandad that if I had them I would wear glasses more often...the same glasses I only wear at night and hate wearing in public because I lose my peripherral vision (I am literally legally blind, so without glasses or contacts I can't see anything thus when I wear glasses I can't see anything around them).

So, I pull the right contact out too and threw it away out of frustration and put my glasses back on. I leave the house determined to find a optometrist that takes my insurance that is open on a Sunday. I know it would have been easier and smarter to do some internet research first, but I was frustrated.

Come to find out that my same eye doctor from when I was younger was in fact open and around the corner from my apartment. So a few hours later, new contacts in my eye and new glasses ordered I was ready for pampering...until I realized it was 3 and I was exhausted from the ordeal...plus I felt guilty that Libby had been in her crate all week and I had planned to take her to the dog park...so I guess pampering will have to wait until Florida.

change.?

Maybe I'm melencholy from watching One Tree Hill all day...maybe all of the dialogues got to me and I felt like having a high school soap opera moment, Maybe it's the end of the year holiday season and new years impending that causes reflecting. Maybe it's the procrastinating studying for the pharmacology test I have tomorrow, maybe it's the cold medicine...



I've been thinking about the last year. How hard it's been, how I feel like I am always striving to change things. Isn't that what everyone spends their life doing? I feel like there is some conundrum, some how things are always changing so much so fast...but meanwhile...not at all. I feel like a broken record, like all I ever do is wait to move onto the "next step", but then again once I reach that proverbial "next step"...I'm still not happy...but I will be when I get to the "next step".



I've been thinking about how I keep changing circumstances, I mean if there is one thing I'm not afraid of and the "c" word is not it...think about it, in the last 5 years I have lived in San Marcos, Ft. Worth, and Houston. I've quit school and gone back to school, quit again and changed my career path, I have been a nanny for 2 different families, a barista, camp counselor, camp nurse asst. I've hung out with people constantly, I have spent nights at home by myself. I've changed what I want to be when I grow up...but has any of that really changed me?



I still feel like the same person. The same person who loves the color pink, hates peas, likes to just sit outside and feel the sun on my skin, gets excited when I see mail with a hand written address because that means it's not a bill, who hates running late, who loves the squeeze when you let go of someones hand. I mean surely I am not the same but I can't really think of anything that different other than the circumstantial.



I'm still the same person grasping at happiness. A few years ago I took a test, it was a personality test. The person giving the test said that one of the main drawback of my personality type is "that I would have the tendacy to let life pass me by". Those words have haunted me from that day. I wanted to prove her wrong. Maybe that is why I change so frequently...in an effort to change myself...but so far it's all been in vain. Which leads me back to my point now of whether it is really possible to change who I am.



Some of you know this and some don't but I've decided it's not worth hiding anymore...I have a therapist (she's pretty awesome too)...I have for a while now...probably not a shock to most. Anyhoo, we go back and forth on this subject a lot. She says a person can change...but they have to want to change. I can't say I want to change but stay in the same patterns . I just can't figure it out though...


As I'm writing this, and really what prompted this I am thinking about what has happened in the last year, the good, the bad, the really hard...and how I'm afraid I'm going to fall back into the exact same pattern again. I mean I would like to say that I am different, that I would make different choices....but am I, would I? Thats what is so confusing to me about this whole thing.

I guess you can't go your whole life fearing that you are going to repeat history. Thats why we have history isn't it? So we can learn from our mistakes and as lindsey likes to say "...and move on". I think thats where I'm stuck...the and move on part...I haven't. I don't know how.

and thats the scary part.

cheaters never win

So apparently I've become more assertive than I realized in my old age. I got into at school...again.

I am so mad though. You see what happened was that we had a test yesterday. A test that I got an 80 on...it was really hard though, so that 80 hard to get. Well a pretty big chunk of the class wasn't there for whatever reason. So anyhoo, we got to look at our tests to see what we got after we took them, but we were supposed to turn them back in because of the chunk of the class that hadn't taken the test yet. So this morning in class imagine the surprise of me and the girl sitting next to me (who had taken the test yesterday) that the girls sitting across from us were looking at that very test (they were not there yesterday).

So the other girl said she was going to tell that they had it because it just isn't fair that we struggled to barely get good grades and they don't even show up and they get a's. So I supported her in that because it's true. So during our break she told the teacher whose test it was....apparently she went immediately to the person the test belonged to and gave him a 0. So when it got to the other girls they started going off and saying how we are supposed to have our classmates backs and that whoever told was a snitch. They kept going on about it, and purposely talking loud...I guess they thought it was me that told...and I didn't really care. Finally Erika (the other girl) told them it wasn't fair that we studied and they were going to cheat. They made up some story about how they "assumed" that they were going to be taking another test and were simply looking at it. So I called them on that and asked if the teacher had given them the very test they were looking at would they have told that they already saw the test...her answer was "would you" I told her yes...I don't need to cheat, I earn my own grades. To that she just said yeah right. So I was pissed that SHE was going to cheat but she was trying to call me a cheater. Then more talking went back and forth and she started mimicking my voice (although I hadn't said anything else) so I got mad and left class because then I was mad that the teacher whose class we were in was letting them attack me like that when I didn't do anything but ask 1 question. On my way out I stopped to tell the teacher whose test it was that I was leaving and she went in the class we were in and confronted them. To which cheater girl made this huge speech about how she would NEVER cheat, regardless of what "we" (basically me) thinks...so I brought up the point again that she herself said that if she had gotten the same test she would not have told she had the answers...but she blew that off in front of the teacher.

It just makes me mad. I am not a good student, I have never been a quick learner, I have managed to make straight a's because I am trying really hard. I am also really tired of people saying that they have kids, or they have jobs. I have a job, I am really fortunate that I get time off when I need it and that they work with my schedule, but I have a job...and other things going on in my life. It is NOT my fault other people have kids, I'm sorry, but it is not fair that because they have kids, or they have a job that they should get answers handed to them.

Just last week I have been (and actually am still) sick, I missed 2 days of school, I went to school one of the days just long enough to take a test so I wouldn't miss it, but I did miss a quiz. I came to school monday, I didn't even ask anyone else what was on that quiz...I took it and got the grade I earned...I could have asked around what questions were on the quiz, but that is cheating to me...I know I can't hold everyone to my own moral standards (that sounds like I think really highly of myself...sorry thats not how I mean it) but the field I'm going into is competitive, so I'm not ok with people coasting by and making the same grade as me. Besides, Medical assistants work in every dr. office, including the one you go to. They are the ones that give shots, take blood, explain your prescriptions to you...so do you really want to worry that you have a MA that barely passed, or cheated their way through school?

UGH...I'm taking nyquil.

probably top 10 worst weeks ever

So, shelfgate 08...it turned out...I never was intended to get new shelves, I had the right shelves all along. But I didn't find that out until THURSDAY...now if you are keeping track, I was notified monday, told the new shelves were going in tuesday...so I kept libby in her crate literally ALL day (I left for school at 7:30am and kept her in until I came home from work at 8 that night). When I came home and there were not new shelves I said screw it and continued keeping Libby in the bathroom and decided she would now be the maintance mans problem since they didn't come when promised. Thursday, I got a phonecall because I needed to move my car so they could paint, and only then when I asked when/if I was getting new shelves I was told "oh yeah, we were going to call about that, you already have the right shelves"...keep in mind that she almost let me hang up before she even told me that, I had to say hang on I have another question.

Then today. ohhh today. Well lately libby has been pretty well behaved, so I had started leaving her in my bathroom instead of the crate, it seemed to be good, and I was pretty sure she usually slept most of the time while I was gone. Well today I went to work at the usual saturday morning opening time of 4:45am. Libby even surprised me by going into the bathroom on her own, no chasing her under my bed or having to take her for a walk and pick her up before we could even walk in the door so that I could lock her in the bathroom. Well, I came home from work fully intending to turn around and take her to the dog park to reward her for all this now found good behavior...until I walked in the bathroom and noticed a chunk the size of my hand missing from the wall...thats right LIBBY ATE THE WALL!!! I have heard of people with larger dogs having this problem, but I don't really consider Libby a large dog...I mean she is 16 pounds. I partially blame myself, I should have kept her in the crate, but I had no reason to think she might eat the wall. I should take a picture to post, but I really don't want to document this. In all fairness, there is not a actual hole...but she was well on her way to making one and I'm not really into waiting until she does. So, I have to give Libby away. She is at my moms right now while I try to find her a new family.
this sucks.

these shelves better be awesome...

So I finally finished unpacking. I wound up not having Libby so it seemed like the most logical decision. I mean, I have almost lived here for 4 months now, and I don't really see life slowing down any time soon. Unfortunately most of the "unpacking" just consisted of pulling what I need or want out out of boxes and stocking the rest in my closet until I can figure out what to do with it. If you have ever seen my closet you would know that a majority of my earthly possesions come in the form of clothing. Thankfully sister had done the closet when she was here right after I moved...I'm not sure if it would ever have been done otherwise.



So I was feeling good, I was happy and and had finally moved on to the next step on the list (which includes getting the odds and ends I still need).

Until today...when I had to go meet my mom to pick up Libby. There was a note taped to my door. It said "we are replacing the shelves in the closets Tuesday November 18, please have all shelves cleared and remove anything hanging" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? Were they WAITING for me to put practically everything I own into that closet. Luckily I hadn't thrown the boxes away yet, so I had no choice but to throw things back into the boxes I had unpacked not 24 hours earlier.

I'm kinda annoyed with the whole situation. These new shelves better be amazing...as in they hang the clothes on themselves. My apartments aren't even 4 months old...I don't understand what caused this sudden and apparently urgent change in shelves.

Besides all that I just finished researching dog day cares, I feel really bad because I JUST got Libby from my mom, and now she is going to have to be in the crate all day tomorrow. Lately I have been keeping Libby in my bathroom so she has room to walk around and play if she wants to...but I can't because if people are going to be in my apartment working, she has to be in the crate, because my bathroom and my closet are attatched (you have to walk through my bathroom to get to my closet). But dog day care is crazy...1)there are NONE anywhere near my apartment 2) they are a bit creepy...I seriously felt like I was researching day care for children. They talked about how important it is to drop your dog and go, fitting in, packing lunch, nap time, pup to trainer ratios, web cams, if your dog gets sick...sadly I would totally do it, but most require a consult to decide if your dog will be ok...and I don't have time to do it tomorrow before school.

hodge podge

I'm supposed to be cleaning...it lasted about an hour and now I'm over it. Libby is at my Mom's, I got home yesterday but I haven't gone to get her yet, I'm thinking about holding out until tomorrow, in case I get the urge to clean some more...it's not really possible with her around.

In my cleaning spree I am doing laundry. Not so bad, but I washed all my jeans in one load, made sense until I realized I was hungry and couldn't leave to get anything to eat until my jeans were dry.

Tomorrow I start a new "mod" (month of school...basically like a semester, we get all new classes), I'm excited, I can't believe I already am on my 3rd month...6 more to go...crazy! We also get a new teacher, up until now my little class has only had 3 different teachers...now they are throwing a man into the mix...we'll see if he can handle us I guess. I also hear he is a little harder. I am ready for it, I just hope the rest of the class is...up until now they have been babied, so we'll see.

It's finally cold outside, I just turned my ac off today, now I'm anxious to see my electric bill to see it go down.

Oh wow, I'm lame

Ignorance is so last week...

So, I got in a fight at school today (not physical)...I know...very unlike me. Heres what happened.

In one of my classes the topic of the election came up. I generally keep my mouth shut when it comes to controversal topics, but today I had enough. The people in my class just kept making invalid or ignorant comments...There are only 8 people in this specific class and I am the only white person. One of the comments for example was "gas prices are already going down since obama has won" last time I checked Bush was still president, and so Obama winning has nothing to do with gas prices...besides they have been going down for the last 3-4 weeks...also having nothing to do with the election. Someone also said Obama wasn't born in America, making it amazing he overcame to be president...Umm...He was born in Hawaii...a US state, and isn't it a law that to be president you have to be born here? Were these people sleeping in 4th grade social studies?

The thing that sent me over the edge was... comments that McCain is going to die soon...I have hated these comments from the beginning...especially because they are often coupled with thoughts that Obama is going to be assasinated...really people?! Anyhoo, This girl in my class made a statement that white people are out to get Obama...it made me so mad that she could make such a gross generalization...and especially because I have grown up in a world where if I ever considered making a generalization about another race that I would be racist. So when that happened I turned around and shot her a dirty look, but didn't say anything. After that she would only say "the other race" is not happy...it doesn't make it any better to just not say white people when we all know thats what you mean...besides black and white are not the only races. Meanwhile the entire class is agreeing including my teacher who added that if McCain died we would be stuck with Palin who is stupid. I remained silent throughout the rest of the class.
We all have the same classes, so when it was time to go on to the next class I just ignored everyone...we all know I am a pro about bottling my emotions. In our next class we are grouped with another class, so when we got there and the same girl started talking to me like nothing was wrong I looked at her and said "are you sure you want to talk to me because I'm white?" She got mad, and asked what I was talking about...so I told her exactly...then she got mad because I said it in front of other people. It's not my fault she asked me...and I was mad I wasn't thinking rationally.
On a side note, I was also hurt because I am so nice to this girl...I take her to pick up her son then I take them home everyday, which I think is part of the reason I was so hurt by her saying all that about white people... Anyhoo, so we go through the first half of class, in this class we have 2 teachers...the one who was with us in the last class and another one. We we studying for a test we were about to have, when the teacher that was not involved came and asked if I felt ok...I said I was fine...and she moved on...I think I scared her because she was implying that I was physically sick but when I answered her she realized I was angry. Then the teacher that was involved came over to me and told me not to be mad...that she had already talked to the other girl and told her to apologize...with that I started to cry...it's what I do when I get angry.
Well, the girl saw me crying and so she came over and pulled me out so we could talk. I told why I was so angry, that I had done nothing to deserve such a generalization. She apologized she didn't understand it being a big deal. My teacher kept saying it was because they felt so comfortable with me that they don't notice that I am sitting there...which I think is bs...because whether or not I was sitting there I don't believe it is fair to say all of any race is one way or another.
I am still pretty mad.

mmmm cheese...

So if you are reading this I assume you know me to some degree. If not...well...I have a confession...perhaps even a problem...I LOVE cheese. I know what you are thinking, thats not really a problem, but it is, I also recently found out I have slightly high cholesterol, while it's not a problem now, it could be if I keep eating ginormous amounts of cheese I love so much.

Anyhoo, thats not even my point. So I love cheese, the only thing I love more than cheese is melted cheese. So tonight I was/am sitting at home. I was thinking about what I want for dinner, and given my amazing cooking skills my choices were spaghettios or turkey sandwhich. As I was thinking I started fantisizing about an amazing sandwich. One with turkey and melted cheese...so my mind was made up. I went to my kitchen and started making my sandwich. I placed the cheese on turkey and mayo and stuck it in the microwave. It was perfect, everything I had hoped and dreamed. I sat and ate as I watched "little people big world"...until this perfect moment was ruined by 1 bite. I bit down and was stopped by paper...I knew immediatly what happened. My cheese of choice is the deli kind where each slice is seperated by wax paper...I had missed a peice and it was now melted into the cheese of my perfect sandwich. I was crushed, I got it out, but it wasn't the same I had taken a lot of the cheese with the paper. I know it's hard to be me. It only reinforces my need to have other people make me food...I can't even make a turkey sandwich right.

Voting is not a trend

I was at the mall yesterday and I noticed at Gap that the promo item was shirts that say vote. Now before I start I'm not a hugely political person, but I'm becoming more and more opinionated on the whole election process. Unfortunatly most of my opinions are based on frustration.

Being that I am 26 this voting thing should not be new to me, but I am slightly ashamed to admit that it is. However, it's not a matter of laziness, or lack of caring. I realize that this is a huge responsibilty, and I don't take it lightly. I never wanted to vote for the sake of voting, I want to vote because I feel confidant standing behind someone and supporting what they believe and their vision for this country. I am starting to wonder if that ever happens though. Maybe this election is just different I don't know, but as I have said many times I'm not a huge fan of either candidate.

Adding to the frustration and chaos is having it crammed down my throat that I NEED to vote, that if I don't vote I can't complain, and not only that but voting for the only "right" candidate... I just feel like the media is being very one sided about supporting candidates I'm tired of the celebrity spots urging everyone to vote for the same person as them.

Like I said, I do think it is important to vote, but I think it is more important to be informed. I feel like a message I have heard is to just vote...not research who you are voting for and why. Even trying to be informed is hard...lets be honest the media is leaning toward obama...even watching the debates is hard to get real information because so much time was spent arguing over whose ad was bashing who, and whose turn it was to talk that I still don't feel like I understand where either candidate stands on any issue. I was talking to one of my friends who said she was even afraid to admit that she is supporting McCain because it just doesn't seem like the "cool" thing...and like I said I don't think the media is helping that. It just scares me how many other 18 year olds have that same thought process and are voting one way not because they really support the candidate...but because it's what the celebrities are saying to. I'm not saying that either candidate is right or wrong, just that I wish people would make that decision on their own and not because it's what Matt Damon or Oprah said.

Today I felt inspired...inspired to go grocery shopping...by the new super target by my apt.



If you know me, you know I don't generally grocery shop. Blame it on the fact that I don't know how to cook, blame it on the fact that I generally spend the same amount of money eating out since it's just me...either way, the only time I go to the store is when I need dr. pepper.



Well, there has been a super target under construction near me for a while now, I just noticed yesterday it was open, but I had Libby with me, so I couldn't stop. So today I woke up and decided to go, however, I had forgotten the detail that it was a SUPER target...I was excited to have a regular target. So I go, and even when I get there, I was on the phone, and was distracted so I still hadn't remembered it was a SUPER target. Until I walked in and was in the food section, all of the sudden I forgot why I was even at target and was grocery shopping. I decided that taking my lunch to school was a great idea, and so first we had to go get a lunch box. Then I paced around looking for things that would be easy to take for lunch and before I knew it I hadn't even gotten through the whole store when I decided I needed to go because I was spending too much money. Luckily I remembered why I was there to begin with...I had broken my deoderant this morning and needed a new one.



In other news, I finally exhausted Libby, thats right, the dog that never sleeps is snoring at my feet this very moment. Too bad I don't have 3 hours to take her to the dog park everyday.



Ok, now my opinion on the presidential debate. I had to watch it for a class and write a paper for 5 points added to my final grade, in a new development I have become an overachiever...who knew...anyway, so there I was watching the debate and wanting to gouge my eyeballs out. I don't like either candidate. They were annoying the CRAP out of me, if I hear "Joe the plumber" one more time I am not voting. Besides all that, is it just me or were they acting like school children? I'm not a really political person and honestly this is the first time I have really even watched a presidential debate, so maybe they are always like that...I don't know, but I feel like they need to grow up and quite fighting over whose ad is bashing whose and just tell me what they are going to do as president.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. As I said before we have started drawing blood from eachother. There are 7 other people in my class so we have to draw from eachother...generally I look like I have track marks all the time. Anyhoo, the other day I had gotten my blood drawn, I'm not really squimigh so it doesn't bother me, but apparently I'm a bleeder. I had stood up and walked across the room, when something caught my eye...I glanced down and blood was creeping down my arm. I looked around the room for my teacher, and just said "oh my" and held my arm...she rushed over and grabbed my arm to make sure nothing had really gone wrong, and made me hold my arm over my head. Now I am scared to take blood from other people. We go from practicing on fake arms to real people. It sucks because my main problem is my shakeyness (go figure), so a fake arm I'm fin and confidant, then in front of a real person I get nervous, they say it comes with time...but I'm just looking for jobs where blood draws are not required from me :).

new day...same routine

I've been meaning to write...I don't really mean to only write once a month, it's just what happens.

Alot has happened in the last month too. I don't have a whole lot of time right now, but here is some tidbits maybe I'll feel more inspired later today.

School is good. I learned how to draw blood, I'm not very good at it yet, but they say that comes with time. I'm already through my first month, seven more to go. For the uninformed...I decided to try a MA (Medical Assistant) program, it's a big step down from nursing, hopefully just a temporary step...But given my current lifestyle and savings that is quickly running out I needed to do something that wasn't serving coffee, and where I can be in the medical field quickly. Besides that when I said I wanted to do nursing I always said I wanted to work in a pediatricians office, and I can do that as a MA, and not only that but I get the added bonus of office work (I'm such a weirdo I love office tasks). All of this is with the hopes that I can get a job as an MA and hopefully be on my way to RN before too long.

Libby is good, I guess she thinks my computer is dirty, she is licking it, and she keeps stratigically placing her head in my way. I'm hoping the puppy stage ends soon, I'm not sure how much more torn up papers I can stand. I also feel really bad because once a week I have a day where I go to school 8-1, then I go to work 3-11:15...so she is literally in her crate all day.

I have more to say but starbucks would probably not really be ok with me taking time off to write...so see you in a month :)

My life as an evacuee

I must say hurricane surviving...not one of my strong points. I mean, I'm fine, and it's not like it was a struggle to survive or anything, but I am cranky, hungry, and REALLY want to take a shower.

It all started Thursday I guess you can say. As my last entry said, I was really anxious about not wanting to stay in my apartment by myself. But I figured I would have to work, so I was not sure I had any other real choice (starbucks never closes)...but when I got to work on thursday my boss announced that we would in fact close so that we could evacuate or hunker down as needed. Traffic had been pretty bad all day with people evacuating from Galveston, but I made the judgement to pack up and go to my moms when I got off work (at 9:30 pm). So I went home and threw a few things into a bag, and Libby's bag. I figured I would be at my moms until sunday tops, and I highly doubted her power would go out (my mom lives in Tomball). Luckily I traveled at an odd time so the drive to moms was fine...I didn't even have to use my newly purchased EZ tag (I know I FINALLY got one, I got tired of fishing for quarters) the tolls were free. Libby was just excited to have someone who wouldn't tell her no (my mom never really mastered that)

So Friday we ventured out to get a few necessary groceries...it seemed at that point that everything would be closed by later that afternoon...it was CRAZY. And really hard to figure out things that could completely be made without refrigeration AND microwaves (even though I still didn't really thing we would loose power). I also took what turned out to be my last shower that day too :(.All day the news was talking about the winds and rain coming, but it remained sunny most of the day. I think the wind started to pick up around 7 or 8...but we started hearing reports of power going out in Houston, so I was beginning to think I was right as the count of people who were losing power went up I was more and more relieved at my decision to go to my moms. But at 11 the cable went out...I thought that was bad...then at 2:30 am we lost power. It's crazy all I can really say is I heard the wind and the rain, but in the process of avoiding windows (besides it wasdark outside so you couldn't see anything) I can only say what I heard and maybe felt...I was sure it was just a matter of time before a window shattered and a tree limb impaled me (I was sleeping on the couch in the living room, surrounded by windows). Libby slept through the whole thing. It was hard to sleep with the wind blowing so hard, and I kept seeing flashes of the transformers blowing...so finally I grabbed a blanket and headed to my moms closet with Libby, I'm not going to lie, probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. I slept through most of the remainder of the hurricane. It was still pretty windy when I woke up in the morning though. When the sun came up I was slightly surprised to see my moms yard mostly unscathed.

So, being that maybe I am high maintence, I was not having the life with no ac, or tv, or real food...and all over the news (well, on the radio) it was being reported that it was going to be weeks before power would be fixed. So I made the decision that I was getting out of town and heading for Ft. Worth. Maybe the fact that I couldn't keep a cell phone call should have been a sign that was a bad idea. I called Jenn to search for ways for me to get there and I packed my things and set out on the road. I probably got 2-3 miles away before I was stopped in my tracks because water was covering the road. So I returned to my moms, and started my work of convincing her that even if we had to go to brenham or austin that we HAD to get a hotel, that I would die if we didn't leave. So we called my sister so she could start calling around to find open hotels...but nothing, we returned home defeated and I took an ambian and went to sleep.

Again when we woke up on sunday I was a little disheartened because not even a block away from my moms house power was running...but we were sweating it out. The only thing worse was the news constantly telling me that thankfully a cold front was coming through and would be here tomorrow. Really!? We had started hearing rumors of resturants opening and my mom needed to get gas, so we ventured out again meanwhile my sister found a hotel room in Round rock and it was decided that once we returned home we would turn around and make our way to Austin...when I noticed I had a voicemail...so I checked it (which I almost NEVER do)...and it was Johnny (he is my moms uncle, I guess my grand uncle, my grandmoms brother) he happens to live just down the street from me, and had journeyed out on his own and noticed that my apartments had power. So here I am in my bed with electricity and the ability to write random blogs.

Unfortunatly my apartment does not have water pressure...but I guess you can't have it all. I'm also now on lock down due to the curfew...what the crap, I didn't even have a curfew when I was in high school.

when is it ok to panic?

So I am REALLY tired of the phrase "cone of uncertainty" you would think something like a hurricane impending could get a more serious name that doesn't sound like a magic trick circa 1900.

My normal cynical self is trying to tell myself that this is just like every other hurricane, all talk and nothing else...but my gut is telling me this might actually be a bigger deal. Everything in me is screaming evacuate. I want nothing more than to jump ship and even if I'm overreacting, say well better safe than sorry. But I have to work, tomorrow, friday and saturday...I don't think they will see it the same way. And I'm hoping they are right, I hope the news is making a bigger deal of this than it really is...but I'm really scared.

The part I'm most scared about is that if anything happens, I'm by myself. Well, Libby is here, but something tells me that she is not the most helpful in an emergency. I don't know where my flash light is, I don't have much food that doesn't involve a microwave, I don't even have neighbors...I think that is one of the things that scares me the most...that I am literally the only person who lives on my floor of my apartments... I can't even count on helpful strangers.

Please do not comment and tell me that "I'll be ok" or "they always make a bigger deal of these things than they really are" minimizing my anxieties will just make them worse.

I'm just frustrated...I hate the unknown...I hate that this time tomorrow I could be evacuating and I have no way to know...I'm going to be at work when the storm hits at this rate, I hate that I am going to be making stupid people coffee, who don't know that coffee during a hurricane not so much a priority. I hate that when I work friday I'm sure it'll be a onslought of people driving through on their way out of town...well I can't because I have to be there to give them coffee so they can leave but I can't. I'm totally a rather be safe than sorry person and it is killing me that I am going against my judgement to stay...

But at the same time I understand that the world can't close because there "might" be a storm in 2 days...and I remember just a month ago when "eduard" was the impending threat and it barely rained...I wanted to leave then too, so I'm just hoping I'm wrong again...I have never wanted so badly to be wrong.

blogs salad and irresponsibility

so I'm currently at one of may favorite establishments... Tossed enjoying a salad and blogging.

I STILL don't have internet at my new apartment, come tuesday maybe I will blog from my own house :). I don't have cable also reducing my possibilities of wasting time and not doing things I should (like unpacking). I wouldn't worry though, I have procrastinating down to an art. The only things that are unpacked are my clothes and the kitchen...all of which my sister did while I was at work.

I thought packing my life into boxes was anxiety inducing...I guess unpacking those same boxes has the same effect. I have all this space and I don't know how to use it. I am a creature of habit so I know where ever these items land is probably going to be where they stay for the remainder of my time in my apartment. I think I also know how I threw those same things into boxes just a week ago, and so with the opening of every box is a surprise and a moment of what was I thinking, like today I found that I decided that packing my dvds and towels together was a great idea. I actually remember and those items were 2 of the last things I packed as I got the call the movers were on their way so I tossed them in the box and declared I was done (that was a really bad judgement on my part).

I feel really bad...(ps this is a subject change). I got sent home from work today because I was sick...I really was sick...I kept throwing up, but I knew it wasn't contagious so I figured I could work through it. And now that I feel fine I feel really guilty like I should have stuck it out...I have this annoying quirk...If I worry about ANYTHING I get sick the next morning. I have gone to the doctor (although it had been a long time and I am considering going back) So what happened was it started with a headache. I had it yesterday but it wasn't a huge deal. I had agreed to take one of my former campers to a concert, and I was fine...I went home and my head started to hurt again, and I only had about 2 1/2 hours to sleep before I had to be at work. But I wasn't worried about the lack of sleep I had planned for this and had taken a nap yesterday afternoon to prepare...But as I was falling asleep I started to worry, just general normal stuff that is always on my mind...this is why I normally fall asleep watching tv...so I don't think about this stuff...And lo and behold 4:25 am I was throwing up (sorry if you don't like stories about throwing up) I took some medicine that is supposed to help, and went to work...thats what sucks about opening, you don't have the luxury of calling in or getting a shift covered. I figured I would put on my big girl panties and go...and that it would maybe even be better to go to work and get my mind off the fact that I didn't feel good. but an hour later I was back on my way home. I hate it though. I feel awful...Kendra who sent me home was also not feeling well, and she stayed and her shift was longer than mine to begin with. I just hate not being reliable. I hate feeling like I 'm being a baby. I hate that when I woke up at 10:30 I felt fine. I almost would have felt more justified in being sent home if I had felt bad the whole day...but this whole throwing up thing never lasts that long only until about lunch time...which is why I thought I should stick it out. I'm just tired of it. I want to worry like a normal person...it sucks because when I start to worry I think about the fact that I'm going to make myself sick...then I worry about that. Anyhoo Kendra if you are reading this thank you for sending me home I really appreciate it and I'm sorry that I'm a baby (maybe I can play with your new baby spud)

Welcome back mr. panic attack

so if you are reading this, hopefully we are friends...and if we're not...well I don't know what to tell you. Anyhoo, as my friend you probably know that I am prone to panic attacks. Maybe some consider it a quirk, I quite frankly wish I knew what life was like without it.

Anyhoo, so I wrote the whole entry last night about packing and moving. I was doing pretty good, I woke up today and pretty much spent most of the day packing. I was still slightly anxious, but moving at a pretty good rate so I wasn't too worried that I have until monday (but I work full 8 hour days saturday and sunday, so I am going to be in no mood to pack) to have my life in boxes. Until a little while ago my world got all shaken up (as it does fairly often I must say, can I PLEASE just catch a break???) The apartments I am moving into are not going to be finished in time to move monday and I am getting pushed back to Saturday.

Knowing that I was moving into new apartments I slightly suspected that might happen, and even voiced concern, but was told repeatedly that it would not happen and I would be fine. I'm just really frustrated because I deliberatly left a week for me to get completely moved, so that I could get my stuff out the old apartment cleaned, the wall in my room painted back to it's original color...and I guess luckily I had that week...but it just messes everything up. I had movers coming monday, my electricity is getting turned on monday, I had taken off work monday. Maybe it's not a huge deal, maybe I'm being a diva, I mean everything is taken care of movers are now coming saturday, my boss said he would work with me and help me get switched around so hopefully I can have off saturday. My sister is supposed to be moving too, and I'm not sure if it's going to be the same day but it makes me so anxious that we might have our movers here at the same time...how crazy would that be.

I know this is all trivial, I know there are bigger problems in the world...I mean essentially I am whining that I am not not going to have 2 apartments for a week...I am slightly relieved to not have to pay 2 rents for that week. I think I would be less mad if I hadn't been told time and time again that this exact situation I was worried about wouldn't be happening...is now happening.

I'm moving on

So Erin wrote a blog about the things she loves (check it out in the blogs I read, mac and cheese)about moving. I have a completely different opinion. I am moving and as of 8:46 thursday night I have a grand total of 2 boxes packed. I have movers coming monday afternoon, but I just don't care...looking around at the daunting task of packing every single thing I own...No thanks. In a perfect world, I would get to my new apartment, and individually put each thing into it's new spot and for once in my life live in a tidy environment...be lets be honest we all know me and I am having movers come so everything will get rushed over in a matter of hours, the boxes I need in the immediate future will be opened, but I will only pull out what I need, I will not put away the whole box. Everything else will remain in boxes until a random day where I decide to finally unpack...which will probably happen in January. On top of that I will still be working through the move, so I'm not going to feel like putting any more effort forward than necessary.

Although I do enjoy getting to reminince while packing and unpacking...but I've moved pretty much twice a year for the last few years so there really isn't anything I haven't seen recently.

I am excited about cleaning out my closet. Wardrobe boxes are probably the best invention EVER. I can hang all my clothes and just put them in a hanging box and be done with it. As I was packing today I put anything I haven't worn in the last year or so seperate and it will be making a final journey to goodwill tomorrow. It's sorta relieving...because it appears that I have SO many clothes and it's almost daunting to even look in my closet, but most of it is stuff I haven't worn in years, hence why it's even hanging, we all know that the clothes I actually wear are probably strewn across my floor because they got washed but not put away or I wore them again before putting them away.

For the Libby fans. She had her surgery (the picture at the top is post surgery, when she still hated me), it turned out the she didn't simply displace her knee, that she actually tore a ligament requiring surgery. That was about a week ago and she is doing fairly good. She spends a lot of her days sleeping which is really nice and a little odd. I'm pretty sure she does it on purpose but I can never find my remote control, she usually lays on top of it, then squeels in pain when I have to lift her to look for it.

authenticity?

I don't even know how to start this. first things first...

My "u" button is still not working...but I am getting a new computer in a few days (if you have a dell and want to know a secret message me ;) )
the rumor is true, my DOG dislocated her knee...who does that? Not only that but she is on bed rest for a week! how am I supposed to keep my dog still for a week? HAve you ever met my dog?

OK, but I didn't set out to talk about libby...it's just easier than what is really on my mind. If you have talked to me in the last 6 months you probably know a lot is going on, and I am not going into detail on here, if you don't understand you can ask me, but I'm not posting my personal life on the internet...just some of the feelings related to it.

It sucks...there are so many aspects of my life I am fed up with right now, I feel like nursing school is slipping further and further out of reach, I'm getting older and older to where it is not so acceptable that I don't have a degree. I don't have friends here...I spend most of my time working or catching up from working that it doesn't leave time for things like making new friends.

And that in and of itself is so freaking hard. Church seems to be the obvious place to try to find friends...but I just can't. There is so many unknowns in that regard in my heart...I just don't know how to even explain it. I just don't feel like I belong there. And I'm feeling like I hate myself, how am I supposed to make friends when I don't even like myself?

Then that leaks over into my regular life, I don't have friends, I don't have people to talk to, I just come home and play with Libby (my dog if you are not aware).

I'm just at a loss, I feel like I can't fix this...

Hellooooo Dolly

So today was my day off...well actually I have tomorrow off too thanks to Dave :).

But today for the first time in a long time I actually used my day off to really do nothing. Well not nothing, I have gotten caught up on a little housework. OK.. really I did some laundry and picked up...and I don't even feel like putting away the laundry, so I let it pile on the floor and will hopefully will be more motivated tomorrow, at least libby is at my moms so the laundry is safe.

Since I have been home I have been inindated with news of hurricane dolly. I mean I understand being prepared and what not, but I live in Houston and the hurricane hit near brownsville...but the news people are acting like we are getting a direct hit. It did rain here some, but not any more than it would in a average rainstorm.

my bad

I know I'm a bad blogger I was so ambitious to begin with, but this last month I just haven't had anything to say I guess. AND the "U" button on my laptop doesn't always work so I start out writing then get annoyed and quit.

So, Libby went to boarding school for 2 weeks...and to be perfectly honest, it didn't help at all. She is laying next to me chewing a raw hide...I guess she walks on a leash better (who knew you had to teach a dog to walk on a leash, I thought they just did it). She keeps making this disgusting squeeking noise with the raw hide...it's really grossing me out. The other night while I was sleeping she hid it in my hair...good thing I found it before work.

I went back to work last thursday (if you were not aware I took a month off). I can't wait to finish nursing school. It's just so hard to have excitment over something that I really take no pleasure from...I have no ambition to move up in the world of starbucks, it's literally just a job to me...that may sound harsh, and I don't have anything against the company or anything like that...I'm just saying it's not what I want to do with my life so it's hard to have any invested interest. It just sucks because I am stuck here...I can't afford to not work...well I can afford to not work, but I can't afford to not have health insurance...LAME.

If I didn't know any better I would think that I may be pregnant...I'm having all sorts of cravings for random foods that I don't normally care about...I have had fajitas 3 times this week. Right now I really want queso...but I already ate dinner.

So I am watching E! right now, as I often do. my routine is to watch chelsea lately at 5:30, e news at 6, then daily 10 at 6:30...but I really don't like the daily 10...I don't understand it basically covers the same stuff that E! news just covered...and not as well as e news covered it. What I hate the most is they still try to have teasers...before commercial they'll be like "see what star bought grapes at the grocery store" and be using the SAME picture the E! news used 2.3 minutes ago.

Has anyone seen the show "baby borrowers"? I am still forming my opinion...I feel like it is very staged. For those not familiar, they take teens who are in "commited" relationships and say they are totally ready to be parents, then give them a house a job and a baby (but every week they get a new child it goes progressively from infant, to toddler, to school aged, to this weeks pre teen...all the way up to caring for the elderly). If it is true it is funny to see how really adult these teenagers think they are then how dmb they wind up looking on tv. One girls reason for being ready for children was that because both her and her boyfriends moms had kids early, so she's ready...REALLY!? I think it comes on WE during the day you'll have to check it out. 2 of the couples are from Houston, I'm not sure what kind of a statement that is trying to make...but whatever.

Hopefully I will be moving next month...really there is no hopefully about it...I have to move...but it's just a matter of where. I found some apartments I love I'm just waiting to hear back if I'm in...they only had 2 of the floorplan I like so we'll see :)

NO LIBBY!!!

So, it is no secret that I love to sleep. So This morning I was doing that very thing. I know letting Libby sleep with me is not a great idea, but up until now it seemed to be the best way to keep tabs on her. Libby woke up at 7 something, while I stayed in bed. She was quiet so I wasn't too concerned, I assumed that she had either found a bone or gone back to sleep, so imagine my shock to wake up to this:





















Apparently, I had left a bag of paper towels on the couch the other day. Luckily she only pulled one roll out to dominate, and not all 8. Also left in the path of her destruction was a loaf of bread that she jumped up to the counter to get, and a paper bag. I have been giving her the silent treatment, the vet said not to yell at her for things that had already happen, but I couldn't help it...I have got to get her into obedience training stat.

I feel like all I ever say is "no libby!"...but especially after being at my moms things that I had already taken care of have re-emerged...like taking forever for walks...and even behavior that wasn't there before like her new fond love of barking...if you have talked to me and I've been home on the phone in the last week you probably heard the peristant barking/ whining she does when my attention is not focused on her. Her newest "trick" is that if I am on my computer she will tug on the cord to my computer.

All I know is that I am NOT ready for children...the other day I put her in her crate at "time out" for some reason and I forgot about her...definitly doesn't work on children.

who knew chivalry wasn't dead?

So, I know most girls are looking for their knight in shining armour, the guy who holds doors, lifts heavy things, and is at your beckoned call...is it weird that I'm not.

I did some thinking today. It was brought on by a afternoon shopping trip. Nothing too exciting, just a little thing I like to call target and the grocery store. I had just gotten home and I was unloading my car. I was trying to make this first trip count the most, because any trip after was probably going to involve libby trailing behind me, but at the same time be able to juggle everything and be able to open the door with my keys. So, I was almost all the way up the stairs, when a guy literally came running up to my stairs and asked if he could help me. I politely declined, and found myself 1)weirded out that anyone even does that anymore 2) a little weirded out also because does creeper stranger really think I am going to allow him into my apt? 3) slightly offended, did stranger man think that I could not handle my own bag of lean cuisines? 4) a little confused because had I accepted his help I was a mere 4 steps away from my door, he would have had to come up the stairs we would have had to juggle bags keys and he would have taken the 4 steps to my door and put the bags down?

Now, I understand he was being polite, and I respect/ appreciate that. I dunno though, I still find it odd on so many levels. I mean I'm really not all womans lib, womans rights, woman can do anything...and thats not because I don't think they can either...I guess more or less, I don't care. I personally HATE putting gas in my car, so if someone volunteers to do it (man or woman) I would probably let them. However holding doors open, I don't know that I am that hugely impressed by that. I guess a lot of it depends on the context and situation.

I guess what I am trying to say in my own jumbly fashion is that, I am possibly too independent for my own good. I often view chivalrious (i hate spelling ps) acts as "trying too hard"...like I said before maybe in a different context or situation I will see things differently, We'll see.

make up whore?!

So if you know me at all you probably know that make up is not a high priority of mine. I typically wear basics and that is it. I often complain that I wish I was more daring...but I don't want to by make up then not wear it. SO...the other day Mary called me to inform me that Nordstroms was launching a new make up line and so they had to get rid of the old one, so all the make up was a dollar.

She told me that 2 days ago, and I just now checked, and it is true, I just bought a crap load of make up...maybe this will make me more trendy.


EVERYTHING'S $1.00! http://www.eyeslipsface.com/shop.asp. heres the link if you want to check it out.

what do you know about me facebook?

Preface: the "u" on my laptop is not functioning properly, so for the most part I catch it but should you run across a word where it is spelled wrong due to a missing "u" just know that I probably got on a roll and just didn't catch it.

So about finals time around 4 years ago my life as I knew it was changed when I was introduced to facebook. A social tool where I can find the person I shared a seat on the school bus with in 4th grade...yes please. I now find it completely neccessary to validate friendships on facebook...how else would I know what is going on with someone who I think MIGHT have been in my english class in high school, but I accepted their friendship because I didn't want to be a snob.

This is not a facebook bashing blog. I love facebook. I am slightly ashamed that I know way too much about people I maybe haven't seen for years but none the less, I love it.

There is one feature that has recently driven me crazy. The "you might know this person" feature has driving me nuts since I first noticed it on my home page. For the most part I typically ignore it. But sometimes I get sucked in...I see someone and think "how the crap might I know that person?" Or someone will come up and I will "know" the person, but in a random we happened to meet based on a mtual friend sort of way. The thing is that I have a freakishly good memory for the most part...so I usually know right away if that is the case.

So in an effort to rid myself of that annoyence I decided to face the music I opened the thing and went through one by one either deleting or friending each and every person on the list...hence a recent influx in my facebook friends list...we'll see how that works out for me.

I had a few criteria when trying to decide whether to delete or friend someone. First...do I even know you? More often than not people on the list were literally people I didn't know, that I just happen to have several mutual friends with...next was whether or not I like the person...if the answer was no it was an immediate delete...then I asked myself whether or not this person would even know who I was. I realize that people do not remember things like I do...but this one I was slightly leinient on, because really...if they don't add me back I don't really care...I don't even blame them. It was just as rediculous as it may seem I didn't want to delete everyone and be a facebook snob...I mean if you can't stalk virtual strangers than what is the point of facebook right?

What I am left wondering after this experiment is how does facebook decide whether or not I know someone? I assmed it was based on a number of mutual friends...but I found that in some cases I had either no mutual friends or maybe just one or two. For the most part it was high schoolers that go to school with kids I know from camp, or people who go to texas state that I literally just have several mutual friends.

SO in other news, I miss my dog. I got to see Libby today, I stopped at my moms on the way home from my moms. But Libby was weird. She was happy to see me, but quickly calmed down and just laid in my lap. If you have met my little Libby you know that she does not do that...she sleeps at night and that is pretty much it. I feel bad because I feel like she is depressed...I know she is a dog not really capable of emotions, but I feel guilty because I know she came from a shelter, but I don't know what happened before that, so I am scared that she thinks I am abandoning her.

Also...if you have been following my remote control drama...my batteries died AGAIN!!! Just to recap when I started this blog one of my first blogs was about my remote control batteries dying...So I replaced the batteries and went on with life. Thinking it would be a while before I would run into that problem again, you can imagine my shock when I came home today and couldn't make my remote work AGAIN. I feel like remote control batteries have potential to live forever...so why do I keep killing them?? I can't figure it out.. at first since I have the kind of remote that lights up when you hit a button that maybe I am storing it with a button pushed thus draining the battery, but not only have I been very careful about that, but I haven't even been home since Saturday. So I stole the batteries out of sisters remote (don't worry sister it's just until I go buy new ones tomorrow.) That was the only appliance left that I have not swapped batteries for yet, Maybe energizer just sucks. I will let you know :)

life on a farm

So I am spending a few days at the farm house sitting for my aunt. I hate it here. If there was ever any doubt that I am a city girl...it is gone now.

It started last week when my stupid people pleasing nature made me volunteer in an effort to keep my Aunt from being mad at me. So here I am. At least I figured out how to get internet...my laptop won't connect so I am using a desktop for the first time in forever.

Originally i didn't care too much because I was only supposed to be here wednesday-friday...but then she called and asked if I could come saturday-monday too...I still didn't care too much because I figured I could spend my days by the pool...and it wouldn't be too bad...oh but wait the pool is broken. SUCK!!

It's just weird. I'm in what used to be my granddads house, but other than a few pictures and the colors of the walls it is nothing like what he wanted.

But true story...yesterday I looked out the window to see Jimmy (my aunts friend who lives in another small house on the land) was outside jumping around with a large stick...my guess is that he was doing tai chi or something like that...but it was quite funny to see a grown man jumping around like a little kid. Why can't he feed the cats?

PS...so when I volunteered I thought I was watching 3 cats...there are 6 here. I don't even like cats. PLUS I had to take libby to my moms because she said she couldn't come...I'm not sure what one more pet would really matter. I always say I am scared I'm going to become a cat lady...this must be what it's like.

I'm going to go to town and be with civilization for a little while...wish me luck.

I hate myself...

I'm tired of being accused of not sharing my feelings...

I'm so mad right now. I'm tired of the way people treat me...and I'm more tired of the fact that now that I have finally stuck up for myself it makes me a bad person. I'm tired of being blamed for things I can't control, I'm tired of regretting being nice. I'm tired of this place of letting everyone get to me to the point where I hate myself. I'm even tired of libby trying to chew on my arm.

I don't know what to say or do. I honestly hate the fact that I want to make people happy. I know there is a line and areas of grey, but I'm am pretty black and white.

I started out the day upset. I called my sister to tell her something (Libby had taken a bag of clothes from her room and drug them into my room to sleep with them)...and the boy she is staying with took her phone and was saying all this crap about my dog being a whore blah blah blah. Honestly I couldn't care less about that. If he wants to be immature and talk about my dog then whatever. But I don't feel like you should talk to someone you don't know or have never met let alone talked to. So then I was mad that he talked to me like that, then when my sister got back on the phone all she did was say that he was "playing" ...so we talked for like 30 more seconds when I could hear him in the background telling her to get off the phone with me...that is what really bothers me. She is supposed to be MY sister. I am the one who edured sharing a room with her, I'm the one who knows how she got the scar on her eye, I'm the one who has a birthmark on my back in almost the same exact spot as her, I am the one who got a black eye from her, I am the one with a scar on my left arm because on her...not him. Joking or not I don't think that is ok...not only on his part but on her part either.

She called me a little later and I told her why I was mad. All she would say was "ok" in a annoyed tone and that he was just kidding. So then I was more upset that she didn't seem to care at all about me and my side of the story. I understand that she has no control over him and what he says/does..but she didn't even make and appempt to apologize or make him stop. And ultimately when he told her to get off the phone she did. All I'm saying is that if one of my friends talked to her like that i would have said stop or said something to me when I got the phone back.

The if that didn't make me mad enough...So I was just reading someone I work withs myspace note survey thing and one of the questions was "who do you dislike the most" her answer was "leigh's sister" let me preface this with...my sister had planned on letting somone live in her room while she is in Florida and has the apt here so she can save some money. So I knew somoeone at work and talked to her about it. She agreed to it, so in a effort to not be in the middle i wanted the two of them to meet to tralk about rules/ expectations. Well the girl stood stephanie u twice...so she said no to the whole deal...which I can't honestly blame her for, Steph was accepting a lot of responsibility by even letting her move in with stephs name on the lease and everything. We all know that I am generally not late...but I think especially when someone is doing you a favor you do anything you can to keep that commitment. Stephanie said if she couldn't come that day how did she know she would pay rent or anything. For that I am sorry. I can understand being mad I can see being upset, but what frustrates me is blaming stephanie for this...and being mad at her. It's not like she sad no for fun ...she wanted her to move in, but when she was blown off what is she supposed to do.

I hate being in the middle.

I think I'm alone now

For the first time ever in my life I live alone. Ok, maybe not completly...obviously sister still pays most of the rent and half of the bills...but last time I checked starbucks did not start paying a mil.

It's weird, but it hasn't really hit me. I mean sister has left for weeks at at time before...so it just feels like a vacay. I mean it is a big deal to me...I am sad...but...lets think logically people...all her stuff is still here, she has to come back sometime. Plus before we moved to Houston she had lived in California for 3 years, so it's not like I am going to have to get used to her not being around.

She won't admit it but she misses Libby. Today I was talking to her and telling her that I had dropped her off to be groomed and when I picked her up she seemed really sad and I was worried that she might have thought I had abandoned her. Sisters response was I sure that it wasn't because she missed her (libby missed sister). Libby does sit in front of her door...so I guess she does some.

I miss sister (just a little) I realized it yesterday (ps she left yesterday morning)...when I wanted a snack of cereal. We are out of milk. Normally I just hold out until she buys some (not because I'm a jerk but a) I rarely drink milk and b) I rarely go to grocery stores)...but if I try that I'm not going to have milk until July. Granted, I don't like milk...I only use it in cereal. I hate buying milk...I never use it all half the time I wind up throwing away a unopened carton of milk because I forget it. I also miss that she used to take Libby on her last walk of the night. Considering I go to bed somewhere around 9...she would take libby out before bed...so that she wouldn't have an accident.

Speaking of accidents...for someone who has never had a dog I am quite proud to say that Libby is housebroken. I've had her for a week and a half. I think it's been a few days since she has had an accident in the house...and it's not like I'm home to take her out all the time, that means she has figured out that I will take her out eventually. I'm sure there will still be accidents, as I am writing this I had to look down to make sure she wasn't doing it right this minute...but for the most part we are doing great. I have also broken the habit of letting her on my bed. I will let her cuddle sometimes but the second she bites or licks my face she has to get down. It's been almost a week since she has slept in my bed...I let her on tuesday night, but it was more because I was upset...not because she wanted to.

I didn't like this last week very much...I'm not really one for posting every detail...and it would take a REALLY long time and a lot of explaining, so all of that to say...this week blew.

So today I went to the pool for a little while and did some nursing entrance exam studying. I felt like I was studying for the SAT...which isn't good because I didn't do that great on the SAT, I don't even remember what I got but I don't think I studied at all. But a lot of the questions were if blank is to blank then what is blank to blank. Well there was one section that you had to pick out a mispelled word in a series of sentences. I don't remember what the specific questions were...but on a quick scan of the questions I answered B...the sentence was Max was their to do something (I don't remember what). Obviously, that was wrong because it should have been "there" and not "their" so I circle it...when I was checking my answers I was wrong. I really thought it was a misprint...I was mad for a little while until I figured it out...the instructions asked for the one that was spelled wrong...not the one that was gramatically wrong. I still think that is a cheap shot...but at least now I know what to expect from those mo-fo's.

and then I was like...whatever

It has recently been brought to my attention that I very frequently use the word whatever. Although I have always been aware that I say it alot I never really realized that it is a defining speech pattern of mine until the other day.

So Libby woke up at 4:30am. Although I am actually used to waking up then, it doesn't really make me a fan. Anyhoo, I had promised Mary that I would bring Libby through the drive thru at starbucks (they frown upon me bringing her in the store...whatever..SEE I just did it, and I really didn't even do it on purpose) So, decided to take Libby because it would be before the rush. So I pull thru and Bob answers. He says the spiel, and I said "hey bob, it's leigh" I told him my order (don't worry, it was passion tea which has no caffine)...but apparently he didn't realize it was me (because who wakes up that early on their day off) until...he said something else to me and I said "whatever, I'll see you at the window" Mary later told me that was what tipped him off that it was me...apparently he didn't hear me say my name.

What makes that even funnier is just the day before that happened he mentioned my frequent use of the word. I wonder if it bothers him. I thought about trying to count how many times I use it in one day, but I don't think I can, it is such a natural part of my speech that I don't even realize how much I say it.

I don't even know where it came from. I mean I know the first time I remember hearing it was clueless...sometime in middle school. But I feel like more recently it has become a staple in my vocabulary.

Someone once told me I have a interesting vocabulary. I'm not sure what to make of that. I feel kinda bad because I can't lie most of my speech patterns are not original. In fact the more I think about it Katie Schrank is responsible for most of them. In my own defense...all of phi lamb talked like her and all of camp talks like her so virtually everyone I know talks like her...I can't help it. I remember in college when a defining speech pattern for a phi lamb was "I'm not going to lie" I guess it is good that since it was a christian sorority that we didn't lie.

It's just funny to think about where I pick up things...like "friend", "get excited", "jsyk", "I'm just sayin", "get a grip", "lets talk about"...even "sister" is not original as most people think. Although I think I might have actually started "get excited"

At work I often get told I talk too fast. Every once in a while someone will tell me to slow down...it's usually old men. Maybe they should learn to listen faster. I also amazed everybody with my ability to rap "ice ice baby" pretty fast.

Alright stop collaborate and listen...

So, the only way I am even able to write this is because Libby is sleeping next to me. Otherwise she requires all of my attention. I don't know if she is unusually clingy but I can't even go to the bathroom without her by my side. I always hated it when I would hear people compare pets to children, and I'm not doing that per se, but dang...she has become my life as sad as it might be.

I realized it was bad when I go to work and on my breaks the first thing I do is call (my sister, not the dog) and check on her.

She is really funny though, she is pretty small, seven pounds to be exact, but somehow she manages to take up most of my bed. Me...the same person who jokes that even when she is married she wants seperate rooms...because she does not like to share her bed. The other night she almost took out my eye, when I looked up to find her while I was sleeping she darted at my face and hit me square in the eye...it hurt so bad, I thought if I had to go to the dr. how was I going to explain that my dog hit me in the eye.

The first day I was frustrated, she isn't housebroken, she won't leave my side, she bites (playfully of course), licks my face...I was wondering if I had made a really bad decision. The next day I had to work, and my sister spent most of the day with her. When I got home and got the report that she had still been going to the bathroom on the carpet, that she had been biting, and wouldn't let my sister leave...I again questioned my decision...Friday I was off work...and when I had to wake up at 4 am to make sure that she wouldn't pee in my bed...I wondered who I became. but at some point I talked to my mom...and thought about taking her over there because I am not sure that I can handle it...but I can't do it...the thought of leaving her at my moms and not being with her makes me sad...I know I'm lame. It's just so weird, I never thought I was a pet person, I have never even kinda wanted a pet until last week. But I love that she is excited when I come home...I love that she just wants to sit next to me, even though I am a little concerned I even love that she cries when I leave.

In life other than my puppy...sister is leaving in a week...that is weird. I feel like we still just moved here. So much has happened, and I am so glad to have had this time to find myself a little more with the security of having her around, and I'm also excited to take the next step. As lame and cliche as that sounds...I think I'm finally ready.

Meet Libby...

I am now a brand new puppy mommy! I have a 6 month old chihuahua beagle mix, her name is Libby. She has a lot of energy and hates being seperated from me. She is sitting next to me right now chewing a bone because that is the only way she will let my type.

I adopted her from a shelter, so I don't really know too much about her. But I am quickly learning! She loves the camera, and her bunny. She cries in the crate, I know this is a huge mistake but I'm going to let her sleep with me tonight...then let her get more used to the crate during the day while I work and eventually have her in the crate....and she just made a hole in my sheets...oh bother.

at least she is cute...

I'm a puppy mom!!

I know I have always said that I don't want a pet...BUT...I'm going to be a puppy mom. I am adopting a precious little puppy girl...she is a rat terrier and a year old, full grown she is about 7 pounds. I haven't decided on a name, but her current name is Henrietta. I am thinking about Daisy, or Penny, or Roda, and maybe Bella...we'll have to see what she is like before I decide. I have already promised her pink accessories. I'm going to officially adopt her tomorrow, then she has to get spayed (I do not wish to be a puppy grandma), so I can pick her up hopefully by thursday.

Who knew things would change :)

No they did-ent...

Apparently my trend is to blog twice in one day...

I am just slightly annoyed/ confused

OK...so I somehow wound up reading something about the 20 worst food choices you can make. Much to my relief I don't really eat any of the things on the list nor are half of the resturants even in Texas...with one exception. My beloved chilis. not only is my beloved chilis on the bad list, but my favorite thing to eat there was the offending food.

Honey chipotle chicken crispers. Let me preface this with I am not claiming that I ever thought they had any nutritional value, nor am I delusional enough to believe that they were even marginally healthy. That is not my point...I am aware that they probably have enough calories for 3 days. My annoyance is that the article stated "instead try the fajita pita"...in all reality I actually enjoy the pita...but that is no subsitution for chicken crispers.

I guess they are just trying to say if your going to eat out and don't want to be a fatty then you should eat this. But really it just reminds me of target...that is not going to make sense to anyone but Jenn.

Once in Ft. Worth Jenn and I went to target...I don't remember what we were looking for...or if we were looking for anything specific to begin with but we at some point noticed these little signs...they would be under random items that I guess were on sale or something but were sold out and they were like "we are out of sheet, but instead we have lawn furniture" there we several of them we still laugh about it. It was just funny, they would take the most random items and replace them with something that couldn't even be remotely related.

All of that to say that is how I feel about the chilis subsitutions. I had chilis for lunch today, I had a black bean burger...and I also this time got vegtables instead of subbing french fries this time...go me.

I am really excited, I don't have to work until thursday...and even then I don't work until 11:45am. Last night I stayed up until 1 am...and when the storm woke me up I didn't have to panic that it was cutting into my very important sleep time (however, actually had I been working I would have already been at work for and hour when the storm came). So get excited that only leaves more time for mindless blogs :)

Madre day

You know who is awesome....Tiffany Humes :) just kidding...well I'm not kidding that she is awesome, but only by calling her out by name...just had to show some love. She is also a new madre...as are most of my friends. When did I get to the age where now my friends celebrate mothers day as mothers and not for their own mothers?

I just got home from a wild and crazy mothers day. ok, it wasn't wild and or crazy...but it was a day. Sister and I drove to our moms new house way out in the boondocks. Then went to chilis, basically because it was the only place to go all the way out there, then we went to walmart to look at plants, I was a little scared that sister had volunteered us to do the garden today...but we didn't thank goodness, I hate being dirty. Then sister and I began the journey home and here I am. I got aquainted with sisters new gps...between the radio, the radar detector and the gps...there is not a quiet moment in that car.

I also volunteered to see my mother again on tuesday...who does that? Since sister said we couldn't do birthday/ mothers day I decided to do look at an apartment/ birthday. I have been looking online and I found a apt that I really like. It's in Cinco Ranch (and we all know how I love spainglish)...it has a garage and my apt would be upstairs, and it has wood floors...I am just trying to decide it the cheaper price for living toward Katy is worth living further out of town. I mean for the most part I am used to living in a small city near a larger one (i.e. san marcos was 30 minutes from Austin),and I already live in very west Houston, and have no real desire to move much further in...the closest I would really consider would be beltway-ish...but even that is a little further in than I am comfortable with.

I have also made another consideration that I have always said I would never do... a puppy. I know, I always say how I don't want a pet, and I'm really not convinced I want one, I feel like it's a big responsibility, and if I can't commit to being home I would feel bad leaving it locked in a tiny apt all the time. But I also think living by myself for the first time it would be nice to have someone who is forced to love me :)...and can bark if strangers approach. But my biggest concern is how dogs smell...I don't know if there are any non smelly ones. And it better not lick me...that is gross.

Sorry this wasn't funny...I'm watching Jon and Kate plus 8...so I'm not really focused.

Geriaticocity

I have been 26 for almost 2 weeks now. I'm pretty much just chillin and waiting for the AARP meetings to start (is it bad that I don't know what that stands for? I even just googled it and I could only find what it does, not what it stands for...no wait I just looked on wikipedia it stands for "American Association for Retired Persons")

I am noticing more and more my geriatric tendicies...I mean we all already know about my love for luby's, golden girls and mahjongg.

a recent series of events (and by recent I mean an hour ago) has reenforced my feelings, but most of them are caused by my job.

So, I got home from work today and ate my lunch and did some other pointless things. I fell asleep around 2 after a long fight to stay awake. Who takes mid afternoon naps? Me, babies under the age of 2 and senior citizens. When I woke up I immediately thought "OH no I slept too long...I need to hurry and get dinner" it was 4! Even babies don't eat then...just me and the senior citizens at Luby's. So I go get dinner (taco cabana if you were wondering) but when I got home I realized they had given me the wrong order. I ate some of it, but it was a taco salad with beef when I ordered a cabana bowl with chicken. Anyhoo so then I was still hungry...all while thinking I needed to eat asap because a) I was hungry and b) I don't like to be full when I go to bed.

I mean in my defense I waws legitimately hungry, I eat breakfast at 5 something am, and I eat lunch at 10 am.

Anyhoo, I went to the kitchen to make a substitute dinner. I opened the cabinet to see my cereal choices, sister and I apparently eat a lot of cereal...what is funny is that all the sugary kids cereals are mine and grown up healthy ones are Stephanie's. So I decide on raisin bran, which is odd because I don't like raisins, but none the less that is the one I picked. I pour the cereal and as I am walking to my room with it a realization hit me...I picked a old people cereal. I'm not sure that it is really a old person cereal, but in my head it is, it was one that waas always at my grandparents house growing up.

I also plan on going to bed around 8...thats when my grandmom used to go to bed...I spend a lot of my mornings talking about the weather...I am legally blind... I have uttered the phrase "when I was your age", nothing makes me happier than going to bed at a reasonable hour...the other day I had to inform Mary that Phil Collins was in Genesis, while someone else said "who is phil collins", At least my love for E! negates the geriatricocity for me...and my lack of love for soap operas.